


Confusing Feelings and Bumbling Idiots

by orphan_account



Category: Lord of the Flies - William Golding
Genre: After the Island, Angst and Humor, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Smut, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm bad at proof reading, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Inappropriate Humor, Jalger is good, M/M, Masturbation, More characters to be added, Mutual Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Ralph/Jack/Roger if you squint, Self-Esteem Issues, Sexual Humor, Slow Burn, Slurs, how typical, light homophobia, my bf dragged me into this fandom lmao, not usually one for the boohoo selfharm bs but it felt right, oof - Freeform, roughly 1000 words per chapter, they go to a boarding school type thing, you can tell I didn't get to actually read the book
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-01
Updated: 2019-04-27
Packaged: 2019-10-20 07:34:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 30,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17618171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “What on earth could shake the marvelous Jack Merridew?” Ralph snorted sarcastically.Lots of things could, have, and do; Jack was just good at hiding it. For example: being stuck in a confined space, the island, Ralph, and bears are just a few.





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is for you, Lu  
> I hope you're happy you ass

The blond’s heart fizzled with hatred as he glared at the redhead. His heart also twinged with worry, and that made him grit his teeth.

“Bloody hell,” He spat, struggling lightly with the redhead who tried to fight back, eventually sighing, allowing Ralph to cup his face and get a good look at his gushing nose. “What the hell did you do?”

Jack grinned, blood reddening his teeth. “Someone was talking shit.”

“And you tried to fight him?” Ralph stifled a smirk, partially satisfied with Jack getting what he deserved.

The taller boy’s ears flushed in what Ralph incorrectly assumed to be rage. “Well yeah!” He hissed as Ralph brought a wet rag up to his bloody nose. “I wasn’t just gonna let that shit slip.”

“What did he even say?” Ralph furrowed his brows, grinning in a befuddled amusement. What dumb shit provoked the mighty Jack Merridew?

Jack’s ears flushed darker, cheeks threatening to turn pink as his hands trembled lightly, his heart racing. “I-It doesn’t matter!” He feigned a laugh.

Ralph cocked a brow at him, “Oh really now? You get your ass kicked over something that obviously provoked you and it `doesn’t matter`?” He smirked.

“Fuck off.” Jack rolled his eyes, balling up his fists.

“No matter. Learn your lesson?”

Jack ignored the question, trying to break away from Ralph’s hold. “Can you get off me?” He spat.

“No, your nose is still bleeding.”

“Why do you care?” The ginger sneered.

This caught Ralph slightly off guard. He didn’t know why he was helping the boy he hated so passionately. “Uh, because I’m a good person?”

“Mn.” Jack grinned. His voice softened reluctantly, “Well thank you.”

Ralph blinked, taken aback. “Y- w-, uh,” He chuckled, “You’re.. welcome.” He grinned at Jack with a light sense of confusion.

The two fell quiet, leaving the dripping faucet of the school bathroom to be the only noise echoing in the tile-lined room. Ralph’s brows furrowed in concentration as he stared at the redhead, who avoided the blond’s green gaze.

“Your dad was a real asshole.” Ralph mumbled.

Jack looked up at him, confused. “What..?”

“I heard you talking to yourself last night.”

Jack’s face flushed. He had been pacing around the park under the blindfold of dark, mumbling to himself. He had woken up from a nightmare and proceeded to have a breakdown, failing to hold back tears.

“Oh..” Jack bit his lip, wishing Ralph would be done so he could get as far away from him as possible. “Were you eavesdropping?” He asked, slightly angrily.

“No. I had a bad dream and was having trouble falling asleep, so I opened my bedroom window and there you were. Your dormitory is pretty far down the street..” He cocked a brow. “Why were you in front of mine?”

“I-,” He swallowed. Unsure of what to say, the redhead glared at the floor, shrugging. “I went where my feet carried me.” He half lied.

“Is that what the fight was about?”

Jack didn’t respond.

Ralph took that as a yes. He shook his head, “You’re a total ass, but you didn’t deserve your upbringing.”

The freckled boy held back a soft smile, nodding.

“I think its stopped.” He took the wet rag away from Jack’s freckled nose. Jack tried to slip away, but Ralph pulled him back in, wetting the cloth under cold water before patting it all over the older boy’s face. “You look like you’ve been crying.”

Blue eyes widened slightly. He bit his lip. “For someone that hates me, you sure seem to care a lot.”

Ralph snorted, rolling his eyes. “I pity you.”

“Better than hating me.” Jack smirked.

“Don’t think I don’t. I’m just a nice person.”

“Mh.” Jack grinned contently.

Ralph took a good look at Jack’s face before sighing, letting the redhead go. He washed the rag off once more before ringing it out and taking it with him as he left the restroom, saying nothing to the taller boy.

 

Jack burned holes in the back of Ralph’s blond head as they sat in their history class. He gripped his pencil tight enough he almost laughed, shocked he hadn’t broken it. Ralph knew too much. He’d either have to beat the shit out of him to keep him quiet or befriend him to keep him quiet.

After much contemplation, he decided he’d beat the shit out of him. Even though that pained him, he couldn’t let the blond see anymore weakness out of him. He spent the rest of that class figuring out a good place to do so without getting caught.

Tomorrow at 11, men’s bathroom in the science wing. He’d gain Ralph’s pity, get him into the restroom, then beat his goddamn handsome face in.

Oh god.

This thought spiraled into his dread, regret, shame, and disgust with himself and his dirty little secret. It ate at him most of the morning, eventually pulling Roger out of lunch to lay it on thick.

Roger had become Jack’s solace; the only person he felt he could truly open up to. Without the redhead’s knowledge, however, Roger had also become quite friendly with Ralph. Whenever something bugged Jack, he laid it on Roger. Just about anything that bugged Jack bugged Roger, and Roger was not good with burdening news. Roger was a bit of a loose-lips and would often spill what he knew to Ralph.

 

Ralph furrowed his brows, sighing deeply as his deep green eyes glared at the graded paper his science teacher had handed him. Before his next class, he found Roger in the hallway and pleaded with him.

“Can you _please_ help me redo this test?”

“Uh,” Roger snickered, “Sure? My room, 4 o’clock, work?”

“Yes.” Ralph grinned, “Thank you, so much.”

“No big deal.” The younger boy snorted, shrugging.

 

 

Roger snorted, “It’s hilarious.”

“What did he say?”

“Oh, you should’ve seen it. He was absolutely distraught.”

“Over what?”

“Something about being disgusted with himself over something dumb.”

“What on earth could shake the marvelous Jack Merridew?” Ralph snorted sarcastically.

“He’s bi.”


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Stop it.” Jack whined. “Stop doing that.”
> 
> “Doing what?” Ralph furrowed his brows.
> 
> “Stop,” Jack motioned at the blond with his hands, “Being cute er whatever. Er blushing. Stop it.” He scowled.
> 
> Ralph’s face only reddened.
> 
> “I said stop it!” Jack groaned, cheeks pink with anger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ehehehe

Ralph’s back slammed against the cold tile wall, coughing as he tried to catch his breath. Jack gave him a quick kick to the shins before a good punch to the jaw.

The redhead didn’t have it in him to seriously hurt the blond, so he resorted to pretending he was giving it all he got. Before long, Ralph was on the ground, trying to block the ginger’s kicks.

Ralph grabbed at the taller boys foot and pulled, causing the mighty Jack Merridew to fall on his ass. He glared harshly at the lighter haired boy before scurrying to his feet.

“Don’t you tell anybody dick shit about my dad or about what happened the other night or I’ll break your fuckin leg.” He hissed before scurrying to his feet, slamming the bathroom door behind him.

Ralph smirked, Jack was _not_ getting away with this.

 

The news spread like wildfire. Something that would be otherwise mundane in this rather welcoming school was big fat juicy gossip amongst most everyone.

Jack motherfucking Merridew liked boys.

Depending on who you asked, he was gay. Some said he was bi. Some only said he’d kissed a boy, or had a crush on a boy, or had fucked a boy, or whatever else that was harmful to his reputation.

No one really had much of an issue with it, it was more just that it was _Jack Merridew_ who was into boys. There were certain people they all expected to not be straight. Jack Merridew was _not_ one of them.

Jack couldn’t stand being there after first period, dashing back to his dorm to hide out in shame and betrayal.

When Ralph couldn’t find him during lunch, he gave a heavy sigh, asking Roger for the spare key to Jack’s room. Ralph was certainly not one for skipping school, but his actions weighed on his conscience more than he would’ve liked. He was proud of what he did, but also remorseful.

“I’m sorry.” Ralph said hurriedly as he slammed the door behind him, holding himself on his knees while he panted, catching his breath.

“What?” Jack snapped, looking up at the blond.

“I-I’m sorry I outed you.”

“Y-You.. _you_ outed me??”

“I’m so sorry. I.. I had to get you back for kicking the shit out of me for no reason!” The green-eyed boy defended.

“How did you figure it out!?”

“Roger told me..”

“God _damnit_.”

“I’m sorry, Jack.. I..”

“No, _shut up_.” Jack snapped, covering his red face with his hands as he sat on his bed, knees to his chest. He shook in anger and disgust. “I’m disgusting.” He murmured into his hands.

“N.. Jack..” Ralph said softly, walking up to the older boy’s bed. “Jack..”

“Fuck off!” He yelled.

“Jack there’s nothing wrong with being bi.” Ralph stated firmly, albeit shakily.

“ _Go. Away._ ” He seethed.

“I’m sorry.”

 

 

Ralph tried to console himself. He’d apologized. Jack deserves everything that happens next.

That didn’t stop him from worrying and regretting, though. It only ate at his conscience more when Jack didn’t show up to classes the day after. He sighed, helping Roger collect the missed work Jack would need to do.

“Let me know if he needs help in math.” Ralph sighed, “I know that’s neither of your guys’ strong suit.”

“Yeah.” Roger sighed. “Thanks for helping. Now I gotta give this shit to him and hope he doesn’t beat me to death.” He winced.

“Good luck.” The blond snorted.

They split their separate ways and Ralph was left to his thoughts, walking across the school campus to his dorm.

Being stuck on that bloody island left all of them a bit emotionally stunted, Ralph more so than others. He had already been quite emotionally behind when it came to understanding himself before the island, but he’d only begun to really know himself in the past year or so. It had taken him oh so long to realize who he was, and he knew for certain he would _not_ like to be outed. Not now. He didn’t want to be outed while he was still single. The embarrassment and teasing would be too much.

He was certain he didn’t currently have a crush on anybody. Especially not Merridew. He just.. cared about the redhead.. that was all..

Yeah..

..No..

He.. _might_ care for Jack a little more than he should.

Okay, a _lot_ more than he should, considering everything that happened on the island. But no matter what he did, he just couldn’t bring himself to hate the older boy. The root of his interest in the redhead began with his troubling past. His attitude was completely because of his absolutely awful upbringing, and he just couldn’t hate someone who couldn’t fully help it. Of course, there was a lot Jack could improve on, and Ralph couldn’t help but covet to help guide the redhead down a healthier path. Being angry is never a fun thing, and he desperately wanted Jack to be happy.

He also desperately wanted Jack to burn in hell. He couldn’t stand being around the boy for long. He was never sure if he wanted to punch the boy more or kiss him more. This frustrated him greatly and would continue to.

Jack drove the blond absolutely mad.

 

It sat on his conscience the entire night, biding him little sleep. Jack wasn’t doing much better.

The blond texted Roger before he fell asleep.

**> Make him come to school. I’m gonna stick by his ass and stick up for him**

**> And to make sure he doesn’t try and kill anyone**

When he awoke, he sighed. Slipping into black skinny jeans and a white button-down dress shirt, he tidied up his hair a tad more than usual. He gave a shaky sigh as he grabbed his bag and walked towards the main building.

He found Jack hiding in the bathroom and he couldn’t hold back a chuckle.

“Jack.”

“I know.” Jack sighed. “You’re an ass.”

“Yeah. I’m sorry.” Ralph swallowed his pride.

“Whatever.” He sighed, grabbing his bookbag and following the blond out, making sure no one saw them leave the bathroom together.

He cursed himself for being so unusually lightheaded, it was rather uncharacteristic of him. Clearing his throat, Ralph took a deep breath, which did not soothe his dizziness. He rolled his eyes, hoping it would pass.

The two heard giggles and whispers the whole way down the hall to the multipurpose room. The blond paid it no mind while Jack’s ears and face flushed in embarrassment and anger, crossing his arms over his chest and lowering his head as he stomped behind the wobbly blond.

They sat at one of the lunch tables, awaiting the morning bell. Ralph rested his head in his arms while Jack tried to block out all the eyes watching him, and all the things people were saying. He tried to focus on something else, eventually focusing on the blond, giving him a curious look.

“You alright?” Jack asked, annoyed, figuring that Ralph was embarrassed to be around the newest gay boy.

“Dizzy.” He mumbled faintly.

“Mnm, well stop it, you make it look like we fucked or something.”

Ralph shot up, face red as he glared astounded at the redhead.

“Stop it.” Jack whined. “Stop doing that.”

“Doing what?” Ralph furrowed his brows.

“Stop,” Jack motioned at the blond with his hands, “Being cute er whatever. Er blushing. Stop it.” He scowled.

Ralph’s face only reddened.

“I said stop it!” Jack groaned, cheeks pink with anger.

The younger boy bit his lip, resting his face back in his arms, unable to hold the weight of his head any longer. He shivered, impatiently waiting for class to start.

“Ugh.” The ginger rolled his eyes. “You’re a huge cunt.”

Ralph mumbled something incoherent, which annoyed the older boy further.

Finally, the first bell rang, and they went their separate ways.

“Don’t let me down, asshole.” Merridew growled, pointing menacingly at the blond.

“Yeah whatever, don’t stir up any trouble, please.”

“No promises.” He grinned.

 

The day crawled by, with Ralph coming down with an insufferable headache. He kept his head down most of lunch, much to Jack’s chagrin. The blond retained practically no memory of the day, other than telling someone to fuck off when they wouldn’t stop staring disconcertingly at Jack.

The redhead stared at Ralph as he meekly walked back to his dorm, following a ways behind to make sure he didn’t collapse or anything melodramatic. He couldn’t place why he did so, but he cursed himself out after he realized he was doing it.

 

 

“When’s the last time I saw you even eat lunch?” Jack snorted, breaking the barrier of silence that had fallen upon them, Ralph with his head resting on his arms again, awaiting the morning bell.

“What?”

“You stopped eating lunch one day.”

“I got less hungry.” The blond murmured.

“That’s not a good reason to not eat.” Jack snorted.

“How so? Aren’t you supposed to eat when you’re hungry?”

“ _No_. You’re supposed to eat every four hours until around six-pm.” Jack stated firmly.

“When are you supposed to _start_?”

“Around six to eight, depending on when you wake up.”

“Hm.” Ralph mumbled, too spaced out for it to click. “I’m not hungry.”

Jack sighed, rolling his eyes.

The bell rang and they split their ways. Ralph stared at the whiteboard, not taking in any stimulus from his surroundings. He gave the world a tired, dead look, green eyes glazed over.

 

“Ralph.” The redhead called.

The room spun, the blond was hit with a wave of weariness.

“Ralph!” Jack called louder, beckoning him over to the lunch table.

He felt his heart palpitate and everything went white as he collapsed.

“Ralph! Oh my god. What the hell.” Jack darted to the boy on the cafeteria floor. “Ralph, god damnit, Ralph, answer me.” He shook the boy lightly.

 


	3. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The silence was not comforting or peaceful. It was upset and awkward.
> 
> “Sorry.” Ralph spoke.
> 
> “Sorry.” Jack replied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone take me away from my keyboard!! I started writing this on Tuesday and I'm already 9 chapters and 13000 words in!!

The blond’s eyes fluttered, and he came to his muffled senses.

He heard voices talking in low, worried tones, with the prominent sound of rain beating against the roof in the background. He tried to open his eyes, but his eyelids felt so heavy, and he felt so dizzy and weak that it didn’t seem viable.

The soothingly familiar, albeit worried, voice of a certain redhead made his heart backflip, but he fell back into unconsciousness before he could make out anything anyone was saying.

“..Are you sure you can carry him..?” A strong female voice influxed with worry and skepticism.

“Yes ma’am.” Jack sighed, nodding.

She sighed, gesturing to the boy on the nurse’s office bed.

He bit his lip, slipping his arms under the other boy, picking him up carefully, holding the blond as if he were made of priceless porcelain.

“Be careful.” The woman’s voice sounded quietly.

 

Ralph faded back into consciousness, feeling the cold rain and the warm chest against his side and the warm arms under him.

“Don’t worry, we’re almost there, Ralph. Hang in there.” Jack’s voice was strained with what Ralph placed to be worry. “We’re almost there, bab-, fuck,” He spat, catching himself, “ _Ralph_.”

The blond felt his ears flush. Hunger gnawed at his stomach and that’s when it hit him. Right after it hit him, he passed out again.

 

The bitter cold nipped at Jack’s nose as he paced around out in the courtyard, taking long, slow drags of his cigarette. The dark hugged him, with the orangish light of the streetlamps in the courtyard to allow him to see. To his dismay, he yelped in surprise when big snowflakes hit him in the face. He blinked, shaking his head before realizing it was snowing.

“Blood hell.” He spat quietly, taking his last few drags before heading back up to Ralph’s room.

He entered quietly, shutting the door behind him and unlacing his boots and hanging up his jacket. His piercing blue eyes fell on Ralph’s sleeping form, which was curled up under soft, warm sheets. He watched the blond’s chest rise and fall peacefully before he realized what he was doing, face flushing as he tried to avert his gaze.

The redhead sighed, where the hell was he to sleep? There was no sofa, no second bed.. just.. Ralph’s bed. His face and ears flushed darker as he bit his lip, turning back to look at the softly stirring boy. The room was dark, with only the yellowish light shining in through the cracks in the blinds. With an exasperated sigh, the ginger crawled into Ralph’s bed, pressing his back against the smaller form.

“J.. Jack?” A groggy voice rasped.

His face, which had just begun to lose the bright red tint flushed right back to that crimson colour. His heart backflipped into his stomach. “Yeah..?” Jack whispered.

“Wh.. what’re you doing here?” Ralph stirred, grabbing a loose fistful of Jack’s shirt.

“I.. wanted to make sure you were okay.” The redhead trailed off. “You passed out at lunch.”

“Oh.” He fell quiet. “You smell like cigarettes.”

“Sorry.” Jack said quickly.

 “I like it.” His arm snaked around the older boy’s middle, pressing his face against Jack’s back. “You smell intoxicating.” Ralph mumbled meekly.

“Ralph?”

“Yeah?”

“Shut up and go back to sleep.”

Ralph giggled dryly, “Goodnight, Merridew.”

 

Jack reluctantly spoon-fed the still tired boy.

“You really shouldn’t take another day off.” Ralph said quietly.

“Mn. I’ll manage.” Jack said gruffly, running his free hand through his wavy red hair. “You feeling any better?”

“Yeah. A lot. Head still hurts, though.”

“I’m sorry.” Jack winced, feeding him another spoonful of oatmeal.

Ralph snickered, “I think I can feed myself now.”

Jack ignored him, sitting next to the shorter boy.

The blond rolled his eyes, leaning against him.

Inhaling sharply, Jack put the bowl in Ralph’s lap. “Feed yourself.” He stood up, pacing around for a while, Ralph watching him intently.

“Jack.”

He ran his hands through his hair, mumbling to himself.

“Jack.” Ralph said more firmly.

“It’s Saturday.” He testified harshly. “I’m going to take a shower.” He exhaled, heading towards the bathroom.

Ralph watched the bathroom door slam shut, blinking.

“Oh.”

Jack pulled his shirt over his head, mumbling harshly to himself as he turned the water on. He looked at himself in the mirror, scowling at his freckled face as he pulled off his trousers and briefs.

He rubbed his body down vigorously before flushing a deep red. He’d just signed himself up for either putting back on dirty clothes or being naked. Even worse, he was going to smell like Ralph. He groaned at himself, hiding his face in his hands.

Ralph stared at the ceiling, impatiently awaiting Jack to get out of the shower, feeling time pass so dreadfully slow. He boredly let his thoughts drift to pass the time.

“Ralph,” Jack said timidly, bathroom door cracked open. “Can you fetch me something to wear..?”

The blond grinned, pulling himself out of bed and digging through his dresser.

Jack occupied himself with fixing up his hair, looking at himself in the mirror. He squealed when Ralph pushed the door all the way open and walked in, handing the naked boy the baggiest clothes the blond owned.

“ _Ralph!_ ” Jack squawked, face red as grabbed the clothes, desperately trying to obscure himself from Ralph’s green gaze.

The blond snorted, “Not like I haven’t seen you naked before.” He rolled his eyes, turning on his heels and pulling the door so it was just slightly ajar.

“Not _recently_!” Jack shrieked, slamming the door. “AND I’D LIKE TO KEEP IT THAT WAY!” His yelling was muffled lightly by the door.

“TOO LATE FOR THAT!” Ralph yelled back, giggling.

Jack’s face, ears, and shoulders burned with embarrassment, which was quickly directed from embarrassment of being seen naked to the fact that he was about to wear Ralph’s briefs. He gulped, shakily pulling them on, trying not to dwell on it he pulled on the black crew socks he was given. He pulled on the baggy shirt and sweatpants, taking a few deep breaths, trying to rid himself of his red face before exiting the bathroom.

He glared at Ralph, who snickered.

“These clothes don’t fit well.” He complained.

The sweatpants didn’t make it down to his ankles, and barely reached to the middle of his waist. The shirt felt like a crop top, as it did _not_ cover his stomach, leaving the elastic of the knickers and the hair trailing down past the waistband unconcealed.

Ralph’s cheeks went pink as his green eyes fixated on what the shirt didn’t hide.

Jack immediately pulled at the shirt, trying to hide what Ralph could see, ears red.

The blond’s eyes trailed up to meet Jack’s blue ones, grin making its way to his pale face.

“I didn’t realize you were that much taller than me.” The younger boy snickered in amusement.

“I’m a whole head taller than you.” Jack shot back, “How can you not notice that?”

Ralph shrugged, “Guess I don’t look you in the eye that often.” He smirked.

The blue-eyed boy released his grip on the shirt reluctantly, sighing crossly.

“Why weren’t you eating?” Jack asked quietly after a good while of silence.

“I.. I dunno.” He shrugged. “I guess I forgot.”

“It’s not easy to forget something like that.” Jack clenched his jaw, glaring at the younger boy.

“Does it really matter?” Ralph sighed, frustrated.

“ _Yes_.” Jack seethed. “Yes, it does.”

Ralph rolled his eyes.

“You look as thin as you did when we got off that god damn island! That’s not exactly a healthy weight!” The ginger squawked.

Ralph gulped, eyes falling to the floor. He mumbled something Jack couldn’t quite catch.

“What?”

“Can you not talk about that? _Please_.” He hissed quietly.

“..Sorry.” Jack stared.

“At least you look pretty alright.”

The taller boy’s ears flushed.

“I look disgusting, but then again I guess I never looked perfect or anything.” He sighed.

Jack blinked, biting back the things he wanted to say.

Ralph smiled flusteredly. “You have so many freckles all over you.”

“Stop talking.” Jack’s voice cracked and the two fell silent once more.

The silence was not comforting or peaceful. It was upset and awkward.

“Sorry.” Ralph spoke.

“Sorry.” Jack replied.

The blond smiled, “It’s nice to hear you say that.” He noted.

“You won’t hear it often.” Jack sneered, sitting down at the end of Ralph’s bed.

“You’ve said it a few times in the past few days.” His smile was burned in the back of the ginger’s head, taunting him. “You smell like me.” Ralph snickered.

“Shut up.” Jack grinned, rolling his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feel free to comment n such  
> I love hearing ppl say they enjoy this shit  
> Cheers!


	4. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “There isn’t enough room for a pillow barrier you cunt.” The blond barked.
> 
> “Too bad, I don’t need your cooties.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There were so many plot holes in the original of this and I'm too much of a loser to rewrite it, so I'm very sorry if you can tell that I put shit in and took shit out last minute.  
> Also content warning. I have it in the tags, but there are a good bit of sexual thoughts in here. Nothing MEGA graphic or anything, just like "hmm he also partakes in the act of masturbation hmmm okay now I have a boNER"

Just great.

Now both of them were being stared at wherever they went. Even Roger began to avoid them, fearing for his own reputation.

“It’s nothing personal.. it’s just..” The younger boy looked around. “Just lay low a while.” He grimaced. “Plus, I’m terrified Jack is going to kick the shit outta me.” He grinned.

Ralph snorted, “I won’t let him.”

“Thanks.”

“Take care of yourself, man.” Ralph smiled as he backed off, giving a small wave.

“Hey.” Jack’s low voice caught the blond off guard.

“Hey.” He grinned. “Mine or yours?”

“Needy are we?” Jack teased.

“Oh shut it.” Ralph shoved the taller boy. They walked along the hall to the gym.

“No, it’s fine.” He laughed. “Yours, I guess?”

“Got any studying to do or..?”

“Mm, nah, don’t think so.” The redhead grinned goofily.

“Right.”

 

“So, then.” Ralph cocked a brow at the ginger. “Why do you care all of a sudden?” He grinned.

“What do you mean?” The freckled boy turned to look at the blond sitting on the bed.

“You like.. don’t hate me anymore or something. It was sudden.”

“Oh.” Jack’s voice dropped. He groaned into his hands, furrowing his brows. He rolled his eyes, taking his hands away from his face as he scowled at the conversation. “I..” I tried to collect his words as best he could. “I don’t.. ugh, I don’t think I hate you.. I.. oh wow, I’m not sure if I.. really _ever_ hated you.”

“Wrong. You hated my guts for a while.”

“I.. maybe.. fuck, mate, I don’t know.” He shrugged. “All I know is that like.. you’re.. more tolerable than you used to be? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I still want to beat your god damn face in, but I just..”

Ralph listened to him intently, trying to wrap his head around Jack’s thoughts and feelings.

“I guess part of it is that you outing me was totally called for.” He winced. “And I guess I don’t.. really know what other dirty secrets you have on me? I don’t want everyone knowing every little detail about me.” He bit his lip, murmuring, “Especially the private stuff..”

“Mnm.”

“I uhm,” He rubbed his arm self-consciously. “I think I’m.. kind of tired of hating you? I-I just.. feel.. different. About everything.” He added. “I feel like.. maybe I don’t want to be an asshole anymore? I mean, I’m gonna have to keep it up, I can’t let people watch me take down my emotional walls or anything like that but,” He sighed, “I feel less angry about things? I think. I don’t know.” He rambled uncomfortably.

Ralph giggled.

“Don’t laugh at me.” Jack whined, crossing his arms. “I’m.. I..” His ears flushed, “I crave to be close with someone.” He reluctantly admitted.

“I thought you and Roger were close?” The blond tilted his head to the side.

“I mean, kind of? We’ve drifted apart a good bit, honestly. He’s been a good friend but I.. I guess I’m so used to him that it doesn’t feel like anything?” He groaned, “That doesn’t make any sense I-,”

The lighter haired boy interrupted his rambling, “It makes perfect sense.”

“Oh, okay.” The redhead shut his mouth.

“I hate you.” Ralph informed.

Jack expected this, but part of him still felt hurt.

“Er, I want to? There are so many awful things you’ve done, and so many awful things you’ve said.. but.. I know that your behaviour is directly correlated to your shit upbringing.” Ralph digressed. “And I just.. can’t be mad at you for acting out?” He said unsurely.

Merridew lowered his head in shame.

“There are things you’ve done that I can’t forgive. Things that will haunt me.. but I just..” He sighed, “I pity you.” His voice raised with honesty. “I completely and honestly pity you.”

“Is that like.. a good thing..?”

“I don’t know!” Ralph hissed, throwing his hands up. “You tell me!”

Jack flinched at the raising of the shorter boy’s voice. Ralph was typically not so hostile.

“Sorry.” He groaned. “I just.. fuck, I don’t know.” He shrugged.

The ginger chuckled. “Guess that makes two of us.”

Jack might’ve purposely planned to go to Ralph’s, shower there, and fall asleep there, just for the rush of smelling like Ralph and wearing his clothes, though most of this planning was sub-conscious. Next thing he knew, he was snapped out of his thoughts.

“So this is a sleepover, huh?”

“What?” Jack’s eyes glistened with embarrassment at what he’d gotten himself into.

“Curfew. It started fifteen minutes ago. You’re wearing my pajamas, sitting in my bed, in my room.”

The auburn’s face flushed.

Ralph snickered at the flustered ginger.

“It’s not like I haven’t gone out past curfew countless times.” Jack rolled his eyes. “Not to mention not got caught.”

“It’s really not worth it, Jack. Please just stay here the night. I don’t need you getting in trouble. They already know you to be a trouble maker.”

The taller boy sighed, “Fine. Only because you seem so desperate to pin me to your bed.” He smirked.

“Shut it, Merridew, or you’re sleeping on the floor.”

Jack reluctantly got comfortable in _Ralph’s bed_ , trying not to get red in the face thinking about it. Ralph turned out the lights, leaving only a small light in his closet on to give them just enough light incase they needed to get up.

Ralph’s face flushed a deep crimson at Jack’s words, which lingered in his ears. He did kind of want to do that. He also kind of wanted Jack to do that to him. He tried to occupy his mind with other things, but those thoughts got him thinking.

Was he a top or a bottom?

Better yet, was Jack a top or a bottom?

He almost blurted out the question, coughing last minute, instead.

He figured he’d like to do both. Maybe he just needed to be in both situations to really figure out which felt right. He bit his lip. Yeah. That sounded about right. He shifted uncomfortably, pants not hiding his lingering thoughts. He stayed seated on the kitchenette counter until it went away.

Jack was in the same boat. His cherry face didn’t obscure the fact his mind kept prodding at the idea that Ralph masturbated in this bed. Better yet, it might’ve happened recently. The sheets might not be clean of his sweat. He wondered if Ralph ever thought of him. Er, no, of course he didn’t. Ralph was straight. Ugh. No matter, he wondered if he were more dominant or submissive in bed. He reveled in the thought of Ralph naked in this bed.

Was he loud?

Does he have any dirty kinks?

What did he masturbate to in general?

Jack lifted one of his legs, concealing the rise in the borrowed briefs.

Fuck. That got him too. He wondered if Ralph had ever cum in these briefs.

Probably, but, Ralph’s sexual side was a complete mystery to the redhead.

After they’d both calmed themselves enough, completely unbeknownst to each other that they were both in the same situation, Ralph crawled into his bed. Jack shoved a pillow between the two, making Ralph groan in displeasure.

“There isn’t enough room for a pillow barrier you cunt.” The blond barked.

“Too bad, I don’t need your cooties.”

Ralph pulled the pillow out of the way before slugging the older teen in the shoulder. Not lightly, either.

“Ow!” Jack hissed, cradling his shoulder.

Ralph snorted. “Serves you right. Suck up your pride, cool guy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhhhhhhhhh I have a knack for the sleepover type situation, and it's gonna keep popping up oops  
> Ta!  
> P.S. Might also upload next chapter tomorrow bcuz chapter 5 is really cute


	5. 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Shut up, Ralphy.” Jack snorted harshly before going shame-faced.
> 
> “Merridew!” The blond gasped playfully, “Have a nickname for me, do we?” He grinned devilishly at the bright red boy.
> 
> “Shut it, you bloody wanker!” Jack shrieked inhospitably.
> 
> Ralph bit his lip, holding back a hysterical laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this went a lot of places

“God damnit.” Jack hissed.

“What?”

“It is snowing.”

“So? You can walk back.” He snorted. “It’s not far.”

“No, it’s really snowing. Hard enough they might want to cancel school.” The redhead’s ears flushed.

Ralph raised an eyebrow at the taller boy. “So I’m guessing you should go right now?” He got up from his bed, closing the book he was studying from.

“Yeah. Right now.” Jack groaned, lacing up his shoes quickly, pulling on his coat and grabbing his bookbag.

Ralph trailed right behind the red-haired boy.

“What are you doing?” Jack gave him a confused look as he hurriedly pulled on his coat.

“Walking you home.” Ralph grinned.

 

“Congratulations, idiot. Now you’re stuck here with me.” Jack laughed as he shut his door.

“School canceled?” The blond cocked a brow.

“Says we have to stay in our dormitories. That’s a direct order from ‘headmaster.” Jack had gone out into his dorm’s collective living space, and on the cork board there was a freshly printed flyer instructing students on what to do.

“Shit. And I was hoping I could run back and take a shower and get some sleep.”

The auburn grinned. “You can. Just not the run back part.”

Ralph rolled his eyes.

“Guess it’s your turn to wear my clothes and smell like me.” Jack smirked.

“I’m gonna smell like you if I don’t get a shower, that’s for sure.” The green eyed boy snorted.

“Cunt.”

“Cuck.”

 

Jack paced around his room, complaining about how he wanted to go to the rec room like he usually did in his free time.

“Oh.” Ralph sat up, looking at the redhead, who turned his head and eyed the blond curiously.

“What?”

“You had a really hard time gaining weight the first few months you were here.”

“..Yeah?”

“You barely ate, and what you did eat was like.. whatever was not out of a box and had a low caloric count.”

Jack stayed quiet, ears flushing.

“Eric’s told me you go into the bathroom stall to change for gym.”

Jack’s eyes darkened and he rubbed his arm self-consciously.

Ralph’s eyes scanned the taller boy. “And Roger has told me you guys spend less and less time together because you’re always in the rec room.”

“You caught me.” Jack spat.

“Damn. To think I was the one with issues.” Ralph snorted. “I just have trouble getting out of bed in the morning, you have a whole ass eating disorder.”

“I don’t have an eating disorder.” The ginger huffed, pink in the face.

“Like hell you don’t. We both kind of do.”

“Disordered eating and eating disorder are different.” Jack grinned maliciously.

“True.” Ralph shrugged. “I have disordered eating and you have an eating disorder.” He pointed menacingly at the older boy.

Trying to change the subject, his voice laced with more worry than he would’ve liked. “Having trouble getting out of bed in the morning is just as bad an issue.” He pointed out.

“Eating disorders are way more self-destructive.”

“That’s proportional.” Jack squawked.

The two fell silent for a good while and Jack eventually got back to pacing.

“It’s cute.” Ralph grinned impishly.

“What is?”

“Big ol’ bully of the school is insecure and has daddy issues.” The blond snickered.

Jack’s face and ears went red in a mix of emotions.

“Pretty typical, honestly, but still adorable.” He rolled his eyes.

“Shut it, wanker.”

“Mhm.” Ralph laid back on Jack’s bed, hoping time would pass and the snow would be cleared enough he could make it back to his dorm before curfew.

 

The younger boy thumbed through Jack’s astronomy book, trying to pass the time, while absentmindedly watching Jack do pullups on the pullup bar he had in the doorway between his bedroom and his closet.

“What in the bloody hell is a `Jovian Planet`?” Ralph furrowed his brows.

Without a second thought, Jack blurted out, “A Jovian Planet is a planet with no solid surface, hence, _gas giant_.” Jack recited from the textbook in the blond’s hands by memory. “Usually comprised of hydrogen and helium, among other gases.”

Ralph’s face went cherry red, staring wide eyed at the slightly sweaty teen. He tugged at the hem of his shirt nervously, heading towards the washroom. “I’m gonna take a shower. Fetch me some clothes, yeah?” He saw the ginger nod before he shut the door.

He turned on the water and pulled off his shirt, staring at his blushing face in the mirror when he heard a knock at the door. Opening the door just enough to fit clothes through, he thanked the older boy, putting the clothes on the counter and locked the door before stepping into the shower, sinking to the shower floor quickly.

 

“Hey.” Jack said before turning to look at the pink faced blond.

“Hey.” Ralph grinned goofily, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Those clothes don’t fit.” The ginger snickered.

“Yeah no shit, you’re a head taller than me.” He smirked, rolling his eyes.

“I got the smallest stuff I could.”

“You have good taste in underwear.” Ralph smirked.

Jack squawked, ears red. “Shut it.”

The blond giggled, pulling the shirt collar back over his shoulder, sighing frustratedly when it slipped over his shoulder once again.

“Drawstring pants were a good idea, kudos.” Ralph complimented Jack’s ability to think ahead.

“Oh, uh, yeah, no problem.” Jack shrugged.

“So, then. Entertain me.” Ralph sat on the older male’s bed.

“..With what?” The redhead snorted, looking around.

Ralph shrugged. “I dunno, man. I’m bloody bored.”

“Me too.” Jack snorted.

“Hm.” The blond huffed. “I didn’t know you smoked.” He noted, remembering last weekend.

“Only when I’m worried.” The freckled boy retorted.

“..You were worried?”

Jack stopped in his tracks, ears going pink.

“..About me..?” Ralph asked, grin growing on his face as he looked at the older boy.

“I’m not a psychopath, of course I was worried.”

Ralph smirked, “Mh.” He cocked a brow, “Why did you stay the night with me?”

Jack sighed, “Don’t make me say it again.” He blustered.

“ _Why did you stay the night, Jack_?” The blond inquired lowly.

Cheeks going pink in frustration and an underlying sense of embarrassment, he croaked out, “Because I was worried about you.”

Smirking triumphantly, Ralph giggled. “I’m flattered.” He quipped lightheartedly.

“Shut up, Ralphy.” Jack snorted harshly before going shame-faced.

“ _Merridew_!” The blond gasped playfully, “Have a nickname for me, do we?” He grinned devilishly at the bright red boy.

“Shut it, you bloody wanker!” Jack shrieked inhospitably.

Ralph bit his lip, holding back a hysterical laugh.

The redhead stomped into the bathroom hastily, slamming the door behind him, audibly slipping into a sitting position against the door.

“Ralphy,” The blond repeated quietly to himself, lips tingling at the words as he smiled shyly.

Jack hit the back of his head against the door lightly as he groaned into his hands, hiding his flustered face.

“Great.” The redhead spat. “Now things are going to be awkward and he’s gonna avoid me. I’m an idiot. Great job, Jack! You fucked up.” He exhaled exasperatedly. “I ruined everything.” His voice broke. He blubbered quietly to himself.

Ralph rolled his eyes, tuning out the sounds of Jack mumbling behind the bathroom door. Bored out of his wits, he wandered into the little makeshift “kitchen” (if you could call it that) and looked through the cupboards and the minifridge.

“God, Merridew, you have no food.” He hissed quietly. He eventually decided he would be putting together some snacks, since he obviously wasn’t going to be able to cook anything. Crisps in a bowl, sliced apple in another. Not a lot, and certainly nothing fancy, but it brought a content smile to Ralph’s soft lips.

Knocking on the bathroom door softly, Ralph’s delicate voice had a smile to it that made Jack’s heart race.

“I fixed us something to snack on. Come on out you idiot.” He stifled a giggle, making his way to Jack’s sofa.

The redhead made his way out a minute later, timidly joining the blond on the couch.

“Thanks.” Jack smiled kindly, grabbing an apple slice and popping it into his mouth.

“I like you better this way.” Ralph remarked.

“W.. what do you mean?”

“Being nice to me and shit.” He smiled at the freckled boy. “It’s nice for you to remove the pole from your ass once in a while.”

Jack snorted, rolling his eyes. “Stop pointing it out before I start acting like an ass again.” He smiled timidly, looking away.

“So what made you realize you were bi?”

The auburn gave him an unreadable expression.

“Like, was it someone in particular or was it `just a feeling`?” He snickered.

“Uh, I guess it was just a feeling? Kinda around puberty, and then I saw someone that just absolutely took my breath away and it hit me like a load of bricks.”

Ralph raised a brow. “Who?”

“I’m not telling!” Jack huffed.

The blond giggled, “Alright then.” He closed his mouth before an idea came to mind and he acted on it. “Was it Roger?”

Jack just stared at him uncomfortably.

“He’s good looking.” Ralph nodded. “You wouldn’t be the only one.” He winked.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

The shorter lad grinned, shrugging.

“Oh you wanker.”

Ralph flashed him a grin, popping a crisp in his mouth.

“C’mon, tell me.” Jack’s voice cracked as he reached his hands to the smaller boy’s sides, tickling him. He just wanted to hear Ralph say it. Just to make sure. Just to be completely sure. He desperately hoped Ralph would say what he was hoping he’d say.

Ralph giggled, fidgeting and trying to pull Jack’s arms away from his ticklish ribcage.

“Stop!!” He laughed.

“Never!” The redhead grinned.

“Okay!! Ahaha okay!! I give! I give!”

“Tell me.” Jack gave a playful look, sitting himself back down beside the younger male.

Ralph stared cautiously into Jack’s sharp blue eyes. His eyes narrowed as he furrowed his light brown brows, cheeks going pink.  
               “I’m.. gay.” He said quietly. There was an unreadable look in the choirboy’s eyes, one that made Ralph feel nervous.

Jack laughed.

“Don’t laugh at me..!” Ralph huffed with an ambiguous tone.

“I’m sorry.” He said through giggles. “I just,” He sniggered. “I was hoping you’d say that.”

“What do you mean ` _hoping_ `?”

“Uh-,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just started on chapter 12 and there isn't even any romance yet lMAOOOO
> 
> also y'all ever just hear someone say something super smart and your dick is just like YES HELLO JFC CAN I FUCK YOU- bcuz that's Ralph @ Jack lmao


	6. 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sweats,,   
> uhhh mention of attempted suicide and self harm  
> stay safe y'all  
> it's a tough road but you can make it through

“I just mean that I.. I need a friend.. I need a friend who understands.” Jack sweat, lying through the skin of his teeth.

Ralph looks at him skeptically at first before sighing, feeling similar. “Glad I can make you feel less alone.” He smiled lightly.

“Yeah,”

“You about ready to get some sleep?”

“Yeah.” Jack snickered. “You on the sofa.”

The blond snorted, “Wow, you truly aren’t a gentleman.”

“You don’t get any special treatment, m’lord.” He bowed his head jokingly.

Ralph snorted, “Let’s at least finish the snacks, first.”

Jack rolled his eyes, obliged to have something to eat, even if it was crisps. At least there was apple to go along. He could indulge.

At least, that’s what he tried to tell himself.

Next thing Jack knew, he was laying in bed, staring at the ceiling, listening to Ralph snore softly on the sofa. This brought a light smile to his speckled face, though sleep still didn’t come easy. He felt like a dog chasing a rabbit, or chasing his tail. Both seemed futile.

 

“What the _fuck_ , Jack?!?” He shoved the ginger.

“I’m sorry! It just.. I don’t know!” Jack yelled back, not wanting to spill his guts. A small crowd began to gather around them in the multipurpose room as they yelled at each other.

They were both close to tears, though neither of them would want to admit that.

“You outed me,” Ralph yelled, “To the whole damn school! What the _fuck_!?” His nostrils flared, balling his fists until his knuckles turned white. He tried to hold himself back but next thing he knew, he sucker punched the freckled male with all his ability.

Jack barely fought back, mostly doing self-defense. He was in the wrong. He shouldn’t have outed Ralph. He really didn’t think this through. He just acted. He couldn’t let Ralph continue to see him as this weak. He wasn’t ready to open up. He wasn’t ready to let his guard down though he so desperately desired for the day he didn’t have to play pretend.

Two teachers quickly broke up the fight before anything could be broken, dragging both boys to the administrative office. They were sat in chairs facing the desk of an older woman of Indian descent.

 The woman chastised their behaviour in a strict tone before asking what happened and why the fight broke out.

“He outed me!”

She tried to calm the blond, discouraging both of their actions while reprimanding Jack for outing the younger boy.

Jack’s bottom lip trembled as he scowled at the nametag on the woman’s desk until hot tears spilled down his freckled cheeks.

The blond blinked, eyes wide with shock as he watched the taller boy sob. He desperately wanted to punch him, join him, and kiss him all at once and it was beginning to be too much for him to deal with.

They both retired to their dorms early, not being able to handle being around others any longer. They both sobbed into their pillows, over different reasons.

Jack was absolutely terrified of opening up and truly being vulnerable, even if he desperately wanted to connect with the blond in all of the most intimate ways. He shouldn’t have done what he did, and he wanted to do something rash. He’d messed everything up forever and he was drowning in a pit of despair.

Roger tried to stop by, but Jack shooed him off with little effort.

Ralph felt betrayed and embarrassed. He was not ready to be the centre of attention. The laughing stock. The gay boy. He was so mad at the redhead. He wanted so desperately to be close with Jack, but everything about the ginger made him sick.

 

Ralph felt sick to his stomach going into school the next day, but he powered through it. Focusing 110% on school work to distract him from the eyes and points and giggles. He was so unaware of his surroundings that he didn’t realize Jack hadn’t even bothered to show up. It hit him the next day, and he gave a snarky grin.

Good.

The ginger deserved to feel as if he needed to hide.

Part of him still fully blamed the redhead for everything that happened on the island. It was so easy to blame people, but the world just isn’t black and white, it’s just more time consuming to see all the greys. His hatred towards Jack flared one afternoon, unable to hold himself back from being angry and petty and immature. He just.. desperately needed to yell at the ginger.

“They are _dead_ because of you!”

“You don’t think that doesn’t eat at my conscience?! You don’t think that doesn’t fucking haunt me every bloody night?!” Jack raised his arm as if to hit the blond but recoiled quickly, giving a very torn look. “You don’t think I didn’t get absolutely _horrified_ and _disgusted_ looks when I was fucking _institutionalized_?!”

Ralph bit his lip, glaring at the redhead, though his look had softened from his original look.

“I tried to kill myself countless times because I didn’t ever want to see their fucking faces in my head again! I couldn’t stand hearing their screams in my head! I was _so_ close to actually successfully committing suicide before my parents shoved me in here!” He gestured violently. His eyes burned with tears that threatened to spill out. He shoved the smaller boy, causing him to hit the brick wall of his dorm building. His eyes scanned the blond, right down to his core, and Jack sneered. “You’ve never even thought about it..! You never considered that it makes me bloody wake up screaming in a cold sweat every night..! That’s why I never had a roommate..!” His voice began to quiver and break. “I’m bloody sorry!” He yelled.

“Sorry doesn’t fucking change anything!”

“WELL SORRY IS ALL I HAVE TO OFFER! I’M FUCKING SORRY!” Jack screamed.

Ralph just stared at him, mad, sad, guilty, pleased, infatuated. All the emotions swirled in him like a hurricane.

“I-I’m.. I’m fuckin sorry, mate..” Jack’s lip trembled as his voice did. “If I could take it back, I would’ve in a bloody damn heartbeat. I just..” He ran his hand through his messy hair, shivering in the cold of the outside, boots wet from snow seeping in, which he only now realized. “Fuck off.” His voice stiffened, and he stormed off towards his dorm building.

It began to get dark, and all Ralph could do was stand there and blink.

Eventually, a teacher ushered him inside, and he reluctantly climbed up the stairs, walking down the now quiet hall. It was too early for high school aged boys to _not_ be causing a ruckus, and yet the air felt hollow.

_They were listening._

This brought a shiver to Ralph’s spine. He wanted to scream, but he knew that’d only make it worse. He shoved his face in the pillow and fell into a shallow sleep before curfew even began.

His dream that night was so horrifyingly realistic.

Jack stood in the middle of the hall down a ways with a pocket knife in his hand. Ralph’s first instinct was that he was going to threaten or do worse to someone, but his eyes widened when Jack stared at his wrist, focusing his knifesmanship on said pale wrist.

Ralph tingled with displeasure and satisfaction, though the amount of pleasure he got from this had lessened greatly from the last dream he had where Jack was injured. This time round it was.. mostly discontentment. It pained him to watch what Jack was doing and watch the disgusting emotions swirl on the ginger’s face.

Anger towards himself, bitter pleasure, pain, sorrow, longing. He bit his trembling lip as his nostrils flared. His tired eyes burned with hatred and grief.

The blond felt dizzy and sick and the next thing he knew, he was slipping his jeans on, sighing as he fixed up his hair.

“Another day, another cry for help.” He snorted, remembering to munch on a granola bar before he left.

He greatly wanted to find the redhead, but to his surprise, he had too much pride to do so. Let the boy suffer a little longer, at least. He’d find him after school and hopefully resist the urge to give him a big hug. Unfortunately, he bumped into the older boy rather quickly. His instinct took over and he violently grabbed at Jack’s wrist, pulling up his sleeve. Jack struggled against Ralph’s grip, wide eyed, ears red.

No cuts. Or at least not recently. Light scars that made Ralph’s bottom lip tremble, but nothing new. He pulled Jack’s sleeve down quickly and aggressively shoved his arm out of his grasp before stomping off, trying to get away from him.

Jack stared at the blond, a skittish look in his blue eyes.

How did Ralph know?


	7. 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack’s cheeks went pink as his blue eyes studied the complex look in Ralph’s green ones.
> 
> “There’s so much brown in your eyes. It reminds me of the island so much, the green and the brown all mixed together.” He murmured, shaking his head before struggling out of the shorter boy’s grasp, darting towards the music room.
> 
> Ralph blinked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeehaw  
> I'm not exactly the happiest with this chapter, but I think this is the most often updated fic rn, so I don't think many of you will mind much.

He wasn’t sure how the idea hit him or why he acted on it, but the blond sneaked into the rec room to spy on the redhead. It was a telling experience.

Jack seemed reluctant to even wear a short-sleeved shirt and shorts, embarrassed of every inch of his skin left uncovered. He seemed to exercise until he couldn’t hold his head up, then exercise some more. It was a very worrying thing to watch, though also at least mildly erotically entertaining. There were times it took him well over 5 minutes to recuperate enough to stand, and even then he still hadn’t caught his breath.

Ralph wanted to intervene, but held back, not wanted Jack to be cross with him.

If the blond didn’t know him better, he’d have assumed Jack exercised religiously for selfishly vain reasons, but it was becoming increasingly obvious that it was quite the opposite.

 

“Aren’t you sore?”

“What?”

“From exercising like your life depended on it.” Ralph cut straight to the point, tired of the thought eating at him.

“W.. were you.. watching me..?” Jack’s voice fluctuated in humiliation.

“Yes.” Ralph said blankly, following the redhead down the hall. “It’s not healthy.”

“Oh, fuck off.”

“No, Jack.” Ralph grabbed the boy’s arm before he could escape. “I’m serious. I’m worried about you. Like genuinely seriously worried.”

Jack’s cheeks went pink as his blue eyes studied the complex look in Ralph’s green ones.

“There’s so much brown in your eyes. It reminds me of the island so much, the green and the brown all mixed together.” He murmured, shaking his head before struggling out of the shorter boy’s grasp, darting towards the music room.

Ralph blinked.

 

The days crawled by, with Ralph swallowing his pride every time, subtly trying to ease Jack into the thought of being friends. Small smiles, helping Jack with his books, or listening to his story. Asking the redhead how he slept, or what his opinion on this or that was.

Of course, it was a slow process, but he was actually making progress. Jack asked a question.

“What are you going to do over summer holiday?”

“Stay in the area, probably.” Ralph snorted.

“Parents don’t want you home?”

“They can’t stand being around me. They get all sad and worried.”

“You have some real shite parents.”

Ralph snickered, “So do you. What are you doing?”

“Not going home, that’s for bloody sure.”

“..My parents got me a sort of.. vacation home? If you could call it that. Basically, just a lone-standing house type of thing with a landlord.” Ralph struggled to explain. “Like an apartment but with more privacy I guess?”

Jack cocked a brow at the smaller boy. “What are you getting at?”

“Would you like to spend the summer with me?”

The ginger went quiet, thinking for a good long while. “..I’ll think about it..”

“No pressure, it just.. sounds like it’d work out well?”

“Mhm.” Jack nodded. “I have concert rehearsal,” He patted Ralph on the shoulder, standing up from the lunch table. “Catch you later, mate.”

“Yeah.” The blond mumbled, watching Jack skitter off to the music room. “Concert rehearsal, huh?” He schemed. “I might just have to show up.” He grinned to himself.

That Friday, posters for a spring band and choir concert started advertising themselves on corkboards, hallway walls, and teacher’s whiteboards.

The band and choir would preform a song during an upcoming assembly to really entice students to actually go see it, as the usual crowd would end up being parents and very dedicated friends, and this being a boarding school with _dorms_ , not many parents would exactly _show up_.

Ralph found this sad, as his brain started to piece a few things together as he sat in his desk in study hall.

That’s the reason Jack had ever started doing choir. To try and impress his parents. He never dropped choir. He already knew one of the reasons for this was because Jack had admitted that doing choir and getting to be head-boy was quite the confidence booster, and he greatly enjoyed being the leader, even if it was the “leader of something trivial and stupid” as the redhead had put it.

He figured another reason was likely that part of him was still trying to impress his parents, thinking that maybe he just wasn’t good enough yet. Alternatively, trying to prove that he could stick to something or strive for greatness.

It was quite sorrowful.

 

Weeks passed, and while Jack was urgently trying to perfect everything about his and his choir’s performance, Ralph was trying to figure out the best way to get under Jack’s skin.

Before either of them knew it, the concert was just around the corner.

 

Jack stood tall and proud, light grin on his face as he took a deep breath and sang. He had figured out that he just had to keep his mind and eyes off the crowd and everyone _in_ the crowd. It’s not like he was bad at singing, none of them were going to laugh at him, he was just.. shy.

The band played loud and proud right beside the choir, the voices and the instruments bleeding together to form a beautiful cacophony of music. It went by in the blink of an eye, and suddenly he found himself laughing along with his choir members as they watched the students leave the gym, going back to their classes.

“You think any of them are going to show up tomorrow night?” One of the younger boys, Hershel, asked.

“Probably not.” Jack snorted. “Less people, the better, though, so I guess that’s a good thing.”

“Oh what a shame. I’d love to flaunt all my talent towards everyone and their mother, knowing they all willingly showed up after classes just to see.”

Jack’s ears flushed, “Ahaha, yeah, I guess it would be nice to see the entire school willing to listen to us more.” He lied.

“You _guess_? Are you admitting that you wouldn’t mind if no one showed up, Merridew?” Hershel prodded.

“No- I, I um, I just..”

The brunet laughed, “Wow, I didn’t expect the mighty Merridew to be so self-conscious.” Hershel flashed an evil grin and that’s all it took.

Next thing Jack was aware of, he was being pulled off of the younger boy by a teacher.

After getting over the initial shock (and pain) of Jack attempting to beat his face in, Hershel smirked, feeling powerful.

“You keep your goddamn mouth shut or I’ll bash your bloody face in!” Jack shrieked, struggling under the gym teacher’s strong grip.

He was threatened heavily by the choir teacher, being threatened to be kicked off if he acted up like that again.

He tried to focus in the rest of his classes, but he couldn’t get over the paralyzing fear of everyone knowing yet another dirty secret of his. His heart raced when he thought of all the dirty secrets Ralph knew.

Jack was going to have to get close to the blond if he wanted his secrets to stay that way. The thought of doing this terrified him greatly. He was so scared of opening up more than he already had, and of getting close, getting attached, to the blond. His deluded fears did not bide him much sleep, and the jitteriness of the upcoming choir concert didn’t make the next school day any easier to pay attention in. He just barely passed the history quiz he forgot about, he knew he was close to failing his math class, and Hershel, a young, cocky choirboy, who almost perfectly mirrored the redhead at the younger boy’s age had _far_ too much dirt on him.

 

Jack peeked through the curtain on stage to look at the crowd. He didn’t recognize many faces, and he gave a sigh of relief.

Until he spotted a familiar pale face, framed by dirty-golden hair. His face went pink and he felt a wave of panic through his body. He made eye contact with Roger before he darted to the bathroom.

Roger followed the redhead worriedly.

“What’s wrong?” The younger boy asked as he shut the door behind him.

Jack gripped at the sink for dear life as he stared at himself in the mirror. “Ralph’s here.”

“So?” Roger snorted. “Why on earth would that matter?”

The ginger’s freckled cheeks flushed. “I.. I don’t think I can do this.” He shook his head, throat dry.

“You..” The shorter boy grinned, “You have a crush on him, don’t you..?”

“No I don’t.” Jack panicked.

“Don’t worry, I’m not gonna tell anyone.”

“That’s what you said when I told you I was bi and now the whole school knows!”

“I told Ralph! He was curious and worried! And I’m close enough with him that it felt appropriate to say!” The jazz band member defended himself.

Jack shot him a cold glare.

“You.. oh my god.” Roger laughed. “You blame _me_ completely for outing you, don’t you?” He gawked. “You _do_ have a crush on him.”

Jack’s lip trembled. “Yes! Yes I do! I’ve been madly in love with him since we were stuck on that blasted island!”

Roger only laughed, flabbergasted.

“I.. I don’t think I can.. d-do this.” He hyperventilated, staring at the drain of the sink.

“Mate,” Roger snorted, putting his hand on the small of Jack’s back reassuringly. “I gotta go soon but.. you’re gonna do fine. If he feels the same as you, he’ll probably be wide-eyed and red in the face the whole time. What’s the worst that could happen? It’s not like he’s going to hate you for singing.” Roger snorted.

Jack gave him an unsure look.

“He came here to listen to your stunning voice, don’t cockblock him now.” Roger patted the taller boy’s back. “You’ll go great.” He smiled. “I really gotta go.” He pointed to the door. “You’re up soon. Don’t panic.” He rushedly left, leaving Jack to stare at his reflection.

Shakily collecting himself, the pink faced male made his way back behind the stage, reinstituting himself in his choir cluster.

Their performance went off without a hitch, just as Roger expected.

Jack’s eyes would meet Ralph’s before nervously looking somewhere else, flustered grin on his freckled face.

 

Ralph couldn’t help but sneak backstage and locate the ginger after the show, barely able to contain himself from kissing the older boy.

“That was bloody brilliant!” Ralph exclaimed, grinning cheerfully at the blushing redhead.

Jack gave a shy smile, “Thanks..” He laughed nervously, rubbing his arm. “I didn’t expect you to show up.”

“I couldn’t help it. You guys did so well during assembly that I felt I needed to hear as much as I could.” Ralph looked the well-dressed boy up and down.

Jack had completely forgotten he was all fancied up, only realizing it when he watched the blond study him.

Black dress slacks and dress shoes, black leather belt, white button-up dress shirt with the top button undone, showing a sliver of his freckled chest, his sleeves rolled up, showing off most of his forearms. Hair gelled and done to the side, framing his freckled face in a technique that took the younger boy’s breath away. Just enough curl left in his red hair that made Ralph tingle and blush.

Jack gave the observant male a quirky smile.

“You, uh, you look good.” Ralph grinned.

“Oh, uh, th-thank you.” Jack smiled bashfully, ears and face red.

“Well, uh, I should probably get back to my dorm. I have some stuff to do, but, uh, I had a really nice time.” He smiled. “You should sing for me sometime.” He winked.

“I, uh, yeah, I guess,” He giggled.

“Bye!” He waved, stopping by Roger and chatting with him briefly before leaving.

 

“His ass looks so nice in those slacks.” Ralph whispered, making Roger laugh.

“Oh shut it, you gaywad.”

“I’m _right_.”

“Yes, you are.” Roger snickered. “Go home, Ralph, you’re drunk.” He joked.

“Off _love_ , _maybe_.” He snorted.

“And lust.” Roger added, lightly pushing at Ralph’s back. “Bye, mate.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Roger is the chaotic straight lmao
> 
> P.S. from here on out I started leaning towards calling Ralph's eyes hazel, since they TECHNICALLY are and I might've TECHNICALLY forgotten about that.


	8. 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ralph giggled. “What’s your favourite drink?”
> 
> “Water..?”
> 
> “You sound unsure.”
> 
> “I don’t know, mate, lemonade.” He joked, “The cum of Jesus Christ.” He laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh,, Roger is??? hot??? don't @ me??

 

Spring left Jack with an odd feeling in his chest.

He felt like he needed to do something, say something.. anything. He felt spry and energized and clean.

With a newfound spring in his step, he confidently walked up to the blond.

“I’m about to flunk out of math, I need you to help me this weekend as much as you can. I have a lot of assignments I need to redo.” He said with a smile.

Ralph snorted, raising a brow. “And why should I? What am I getting out of it?”

“My companionship.” Jack said unsurely. “I dunno.. whatever you’d like, I guess.”

The younger male smirked, knowing exactly what he wanted in return. “Right, then. I’ll make it to yours after school?”

“Yeah.” The redhead grinned, “Thanks.”

“No problem.” Ralph rolled his eyes.

 

“God damn! You aren’t stupid!” Ralph gasped teasingly.

Jack rolled his eyes. “I wish I could look at the paper and not have to read it over.”

“What do you mean?”

“I get a bloody headache every time.”

“..Maybe you need glasses.” Ralph smirked.

“Oh shut it.”

“I’m serious, Merridew.”

“I know you are.”

Ralph laughed, leaning his head on Jack’s shoulder for a brief moment. “You’re funny.”

“Oh, I forgot to say.. I’m sorry for suddenly filling up the entirety of your weekend with,” He gestured to the mess of papers on the floor beneath them, “All of this.”

“It’s fine.” Ralph shook his head, shrugging.

“Would you.. like to just.. crash here? We could probably get more work done faster if you just stayed the night.” Jack suggested unsurely.

“Uhm.” The blond pondered. “Sure, I guess.” He snorted. “Your couch isn’t _awful_.” He noted with a wink.

“So, uh, what do I owe you..?”

Ralph snorted, “A million pounds and a blowjob.” He joked.

“I don’t have a million pounds.” Jack grinned, winking.

“Nah, just a game of twenty-one questions and some quality time.” He shrugged. “As dumb as that sounds.”

Jack laughed nervously, “I really did get myself into trouble, haven’t I?”

“I dunno,” The blond smirked, “Depends on your definition of trouble.” He winked.

 

They took a break around 9pm, Jack’s headache growing too great to focus. Waiting for the pills to kick in, Jack reluctantly rested his head on Ralph’s lap, Ralph’s hands running through his red hair.

“Jack? What’s your favourite colour?” He asked quietly. “I never asked..”

“Yeah you did.”

“When?”

“On the island.”

“..What was your answer?”

“Red.”

“What’s the answer now?”

“..Pink.”

Ralph smiled, “That’s a good colour.”

“..Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Ralph said softly, hands tenderly combing through the older boy’s wavy hair. “Do you have a favourite band?”

“Queen?”

Ralph held back a laugh. “I’m just a poor boy~,” He sung teasingly.

“I need no sympathy~,” Jack continued flippantly, voice mellow.

The two giggled.

“What’s your favourite thing to wear?”

“Like, out, or just in general?” Jack followed up.

“Just in general.” Ralph shrugged.

“I dunno.. sweatpants and a loose tee shirt, I guess.”

“Mm. Aaand, what’s your favourite thing to wear to bed?”

“Uh, is `nothing` an answer?”

The blond sniggered, “Yes, that’s an answer.”

“Then there’s my answer.” Jack snorted softly.

Ralph giggled. “What’s your favourite drink?”

“Water..?”

“You sound unsure.”

“I don’t know, mate, lemonade.” He joked, “The cum of Jesus Christ.” He laughed.

“What do you want to do with your life?”

“..I don’t know.. not end up on another island?”

“Sounds good to me.” Ralph laughed, booping the taller boy’s freckled nose.

“Do I get to ask any questions?”

“No.”

“I just asked one, and you just answered it.” Jack pointed out.

“Fine.” Ralph rolled his eyes, grinning. “If it makes you feel better.”

“Do you have a crush on anyone?”

“Getting straight to the girly questions, are we? Yes, I do.”

“Who?”

“Nope, your turn to answer a question. Do _you_ have a crush on anybody?”

“Yes.” Jack admitted. “Now, who’s your crush?”

“I don’t have to tell you.”

“Like hell you don’t.” Jack protested.

Ralph snickered, shrugging. “I’ll just stop helping you with your math.”

“Ugh, you’re no fun.”

“Who’s your crush?”

“I’m not telling you.”

“That’s the only question you don’t have to answer.” Ralph instructed. “Did you collect anything as a kid?”

“Bruises.” Jack snorted. “Matches.”

“Mm.”

“What about you?”

“Rocks. Your head feeling any better?”

“Yeah, it’s starting to.”

“What time is it?” Ralph looked around before spotting the clock. “Shit. It’s late.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Ralph tried to pick up the larger boy, failing miserably and laughing at himself.

“Cute.” Jack snorted, pulling himself up off the couch and into his bed.

“I thought you said you liked sleeping naked.”

“I do.”

 

Ralph stared at the redhead, who was concentrating on the work on his paper, checking his math for errors, brows furrowed.

“Take off your shirt.” Ralph mumbled, wanting to see every freckle on the ginger’s body, every curve and every muscle and every bone.

Jack’s face went red as he stared perplexedly at the blond. “W-What..?”

Ralph’s face flushed darkly, eyes widening. “Uh, n-nothing!”

Face flushing darker, Jack grinned timidly. “Desperate, are we?” His voice sounded more confident than he actually was.

“Shut it!” Ralph whined. “It was a slip up!”

Jack giggled, “Sure it was.” He winked.

Ralph changed his sitting position, hiding his embarrassed partial erection. “Are you almost done yet?” He complained.

“Yeah, yeah, hold your horses.”

Ralph wondered just how much the redhead was being serious. Better yet, he wondered who Jack was crushing on. They were probably cute. Maybe it was Roger. He’s cute. He’s also straight, and Jack knows that, and there was no fluctuation of known unrequited feelings in his voice, which means Roger was off the table. Who on earth could possibly make the auburn melt? To part of him, it seemed impossible for Jack to feel in such a way. To get embarrassed and red thinking about a certain someone, to dream of slow, romantic making out, and messing around like friends, but with an extra spark and a sexual undertone. It sounded almost like an oxymoron. But then again, Jack could obviously get embarrassed and giggly, so it didn’t seem completely far-fetched.

For Jack, this little conversation confirmed something. He tried to brush it off as wishful thinking, and partially did, but most of him held on to that exchange. Jack mesmerized the blond, at least to an extent that he’d accidentally mumble something he was thinking, which was usually not the purest of thoughts. This made his heart fizz, and his face go hot, made the room spin and made a flustered grin grow on his face. Ralph, to a degree at the very least, was attracted to the ginger.

Realizing this pulled at Jack’s heartstrings and made him nervous in the bad way.

He.. He just wasn’t ready for such intimacy, not on a physical level, not on a personal level, not on an emotional level. He couldn’t do it. The thought terrified him. He just.. needed to act reserved enough that Ralph’s little feelings would move on to someone else, as Jack obviously wasn’t interested in pursuing a relationship in Ralph’s eyes. Except for the fact that he was. He very much wanted to date the blond. So much so that it hurt to think of his life as it was in that moment without Ralph. He didn’t want to lose him, but he was so unready to be completely open and vulnerable.

This put a damper on his mood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shorter chapter sorry  
> they get really long towards the end  
> I'm close to 30,000 words and I haven't finished chapter 14 lmaooo,,,  
> On another note, I have discord, and I'm a lonely bastard, even though I usually have my status set to Do Not Disturb, please disturb me lmao  
> ruby_rudd#5152  
> hh


	9. 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Jack?”  
> “Yeah?” The redhead looked up from his textbook, looking at the younger boy who was sat on his sofa.  
> “Do you ever just get all internally panicked and urgently want a dick shoved down your throat because that’ll quench your emotions?”  
> “..No?” Jack gave him the most confused and lightly sickened look Ralph had ever seen. This made the blond laugh, turning back to his homework.  
> “’Shame.”  
> “Probably not, honestly.”  
> Ralph giggled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh wow I totally didn't make it so Ralph was writing the beginning narration because I couldn't make it regal enough.. psht.. nah..

It had once been two to a room, but as years passed, the school became less popular, so much so that each student could have their own room, like a little apartment. Most of the extra supplies were sold off, and the school wasn’t exactly broke, they just.. weren’t nearly as well off as they were in their heyday.

This would sometimes make the place feel empty and hollow. If you didn’t pay attention to the ecstatic buzz of the high schoolers, you’d come to realize just how not-amazing the school was doing. Lot’s of trophies and awards and ribbons and other keep-sakes lined the walls near the front doors, but almost none of them were recent.

This place had thrived. It had been lively. Now it was just a shadow of its former self, and you could see it on the teacher’s faces, especially the ones that had been here a while.

Ralph guessed that boarding schools were becoming less popular.

“I mean, they do suck.” Jack added.

“Shut it, I’m trying to write.”

“Why are you writing it in third person?” Jack asked, peeking over Ralph’s shoulder.

“Because it’s part of the assignment. I’m supposed to narrate a story with some historical bullshit mixed in.”

“Sounds bloody boring.”

“It is.” Ralph snorted, rereading his work to get back into the mindset and continue.

“I like your handwriting.”

“I’m trying to focus.” He elbowed the ginger. “Thank you.” He said when he actually took a second to process what Jack had even said.

Jack snickered. “I’ll leave you to it, I guess.” He sat on the sofa, next to Ralph, opening up his astronomy textbook and boredly reading a page he’d already memorized. Not really having to pay attention to his book, his thoughts drifted to doing something different. He desperately needed a change of pace, a change of scenery.

Students were allowed to leave campus, it was just encouraged that they don’t spend a lot of time off-campus. Jack hadn’t gone off-campus all that much, always being busy with school or working out or hanging out with someone.

“We should get out of here?”

The blond looked up from his paper, a lightly befuddled look upon his face. “You say that as if we’re drunk in the back of a bar on a Friday night and you’re trying to get in my pants.”

“Sounds like the kind of thing I’m going for. I need to get off-campus for a bit, I’m getting so bloody tired of this place.”

“Where would we even go? It’s not like there’s anything to do in town.” He snorted.

“If we drive far enough we could make it to a beach.”

“No.” Ralph said quickly and firmly.

“Alright.” Jack brushed that idea off. “How about.. we go to the cinema or something like that?”

“Like a date?”

“No. Like, seeking entertainment while also accompanying each other.”

Ralph snorted, shrugging. “Yeah sure, why not.”

 

The school held an ominous aura, being at least a century old, almost gothic cathedral like. Made mostly of brick, though most of the school had practically been rebuilt over the years in hopes of keeping the building from collapsing or something.

“That doesn’t sound very professional.”

“Shut it, I’m going to do some actual research. This is just the draft.” Ralph whined.

Though old, the inside looked modern and new, with carpeted and laminate floors. An auditorium that didn’t feel too stuffy. A gym that actually felt like a 21 century gymnasium. A kitchen that didn’t cook their mashed potatoes in a cauldron. A nurses office that wasn’t just a church with world war 2 nurses. Classrooms and corridors that, in their design, felt a bit old-school and spooky-brick-building-boarding-school. The multipurpose room (the cafeteria) had a small stage, for what, Ralph couldn’t piece together, but it looked cool.

“Everything about this is absolutely dreadful.” Jack snorted, reading what the blond had wrote.

“Oh shut your gob.” Ralph laughed. “I’m no good at this rubbish.”

“Evidently.” Jack gave a playful glare.

 

“Jack?”

“Yeah?” The redhead looked up from his textbook, looking at the younger boy who was sat on his sofa.

“Do you ever just get all internally panicked and urgently want a dick shoved down your throat because that’ll quench your emotions?”

“..No?” Jack gave him the most confused and lightly sickened look Ralph had ever seen. This made the blond laugh, turning back to his homework.

“’Shame.”

“Probably not, honestly.”

Ralph giggled.

“Uhh, changing the subject. I looked up some movies and stuff,” He pointed to the laptop sat right next to him on his bed. “Get over here and let’s choose.” He smiled.

This was nice. Actually bonding with the auburn was a nice feeling. Like watching wounds heal. Stitching up tearing seams. As much as looking Jack in the eye made Ralph’s stomach churn in the bad way, he was really starting to come to terms with everything that had happened. Letting things go makes life a lot happier in the long run.

 

 

“Yeah? And what do you propose we do over spring break?”

“Well I was gonna say hang out with Roger,” Jack spoke, “But apparently he’s at the airport now to go see his parents.” He shrugged, looking at the blond. “So I guess that’s not happening.”

“Eh, he’s straight anyway. Not like you were gonna get into his pants.” Ralph snorted.

“Who ever said I was trying to get in his pants? Or anyone’s pants for that matter.” The ginger rebuked.

Ralph laughed, “Fair point. I guess I just.. figured you were secretly a horn dog?”

“Nope, not really.”

The younger boy gasped melodramatically. “You mean to tell me that you’re a pure Christian boy?!” He teased, feigning surprise.

“Now I didn’t say I was _pure_.” He pointed at the blond, winking. “I just have this thing called standards.” He said sassily.

“More like boundaries.”

“Yeah maybe that’s a more appropriate word.” He laughed. “But I do _lust_ , as far fetched as that may sound.” He informed playfully.

“No way! A teenage boy? Having dirty thoughts..??? This can’t be!” Ralph held his hand in front of his mouth, continuing to feign shock comedically.

Jack laughed, shoving the blond playfully as they walked the quaint streets of the town surrounding their school.

“Well, then, I guess we’re just going to be boring.” He shrugged. “Unless you have a fake ID or something.”

“Ehh, I know a guy, but aren’t there like.. better things we could do with our week off?”

“Like study? You shut-in nerd!” Ralph yelled lightheartedly.

Jack snorted, “No like play videogames or go jump off a cliff or something. You know, something legal?”

“Prude!” The blond teased, shoving the redhead before picking up his pace.

Now Jack was in hot pursuit, chasing after the shorter boy. He caught up to Ralph just as they got back on campus. He wrapped his arms around the blond as he slowed to a halt and picked him up, shaking him around.

“AHAHA! Any last words?!” Jack hissed cheerfully.

“Oh no! Please mister Merridew! Spare me! I’m but an innocent bystander!” Ralph giggled.

“`Mister Merridew`.” Jack snorted, letting the blond’s feet touch the ground before letting go of him. “Gotta find myself someone that’d call me that in bed.” He said lightheartedly.

Ralph rolled his eyes, “You wish,” He snorted, shoving the ginger’s shoulder before darting towards his dorm building.

Jack shook his head, snickering before chasing after.

“That was a good movie.” Ralph exhaled as he flopped onto his bed. “Thanks for taking me out on a date.” He joked. “That’d be my first.” He winked.

“Did I take your date-virginity?!” Jack joked, fake gasping.

“Yes you did!! How sinful of you! We aren’t even married yet! How could you forsake me in the eyes of god like this?!” Ralph played along.

The two shared a good laugh before Jack sat at the end of Ralph’s bed, next to the younger boy’s legs.

“This is gonna be a good week.” Ralph smiled at the ceiling.

“Lots of banter, I presume.”

“Lots.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the chapters are quietly getting longer and longer (next chapter is twice as long as this one lmaoo)  
> also I extended the fic to be 17 chapters because I'm an ass


	10. 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He’d slip so close to death, and then he’d wake up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to update this oops
> 
> also yes it was necessary   
> I required edge
> 
> I finished writing chapter 17 so prepare yourselves

“Je ne parle pas français pour la merde.” Ralph cringed at his own inability to properly pronounce his words. “I fucking hate French.”

“Why’d you take it, then?”

“I thought I could be all extravagant and hot by saying some dumb shit in French. Turns out it’s fuckin dumb.” He groaned. “French is a dumb language.”

“Maybe you should take German instead.” Jack snorted.

“Is German easier?”

“I dunno, I can’t speak French.” He grinned.

“Can _you_ speak German?”

“Minimal.”

“Then.. tell me I’m a dick.”

“Du bist ein Arsch.” He fluttered his eyelids dramatically. “I am Fancy.”

Ralph snorted, “That at least sounds cool.”

“French sounds cool.”

“Eh.”

“We should play a game.”

“Like what?” Ralph cocked a brow at the changing of the subject.

“Like never have I ever or something.” The redhead shrugged, trying to stay calm and casual about his proposition.

“I don’t think I’ve actually properly played it.”

“You hold five fingers—or ten depending on how bored you are and how few people there are—up and say `never have I ever` and then try to say something that you haven’t done so you don’t have to put down a finger.”

“Huh. Sure.” He shrugged, “Why not?”

“Okay,” He held ten fingers up, Ralph quickly mirroring him. “Never have I ever bragged about something I didn’t do.” He got the ball rolling with a question that he’d have to put a finger down over.

“Nope.”

“I have.” Jack laughed.

“Self-sacrifice. Nice.” Ralph nodded. “Never have I ever.. cheated on a test.”

“I have.”

“Wow, bad kid. I shouldn’t be hanging out with you, you’re a bad influence.” He teased.

“Well shit, I’m at eight already. Uh, never have I ever skinny dipped.” He said, quickly adding “In the past two years.”

“I don’t think I’ve been swimming in the past two years.” Ralph snorted. “We should do that some time.”

“Yeah.” He smiled.

“Never have I ever kissed my best friend.”

“Roger is straight so no.”

“Hah.”

“You’ve never kissed anyone yeah?”

“Yeah I’m a mega virgin.”

“For real.” He snorted at the blond. “Never have I ever finished a jaw-breaker.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever had one of those.” Ralph gasped.

“Never have I ever taken uh, suggestive photos.”

Ralph put a finger down. “Never have I ever been locked in a room for more than an hour.”

“I have but I’m not counting it.”

He gave Jack a curious look before piecing it together, nodding.

“Never have I ever pushed a pull door or vice versa.”

Snorting, Ralph put a finger down. “Never have I ever held a gun.”

Jack put a finger down. “Never have I ever shot a person by accident.”

“Never, unfortunately.” He winked at the redhead. “Never have I ever eaten cat food.”

Jack put down another finger. “I’m gonna lose god damnit. Never have I ever won a game of monopoly.”

Ralph put a finger down. “Never have I ever set someone on fire.”

“Unfortunately, no.” He winked. “Never have I ever.. uhm.. I’m running out of ideas..”

The blond giggled, “Me too.”

“Throw-away question because who the fuck hasn’t,” He put down a finger, “Never have I ever measured my junk.”

Ralph put down a finger. “That really is a throw-away.” He snickered, nodding. “Never have I ever tripped someone in public.”

Jack put down a finger. “Never have I ever hated the French language.” He grinned, winking.

Sighing, the younger boy put down a finger. “Never have I ever driven before I got my license.” He smiled wickedly.

Sticking his tongue out in protest, Jack put a finger down. “Never have I ever done something super dumb and broken a bone because of it.”

“You got me there.” He laughed, putting down a finger.

They were both tied, with 4 fingers left.

“Never have I ever..” Ralph paused, thinking. “Been handcuffed.”

“I have.” Jack admitted, putting a finger down. “Never have I ever done hard drugs.”

“I don’t know where to get them anyhow, so yeah, definitely a no.” He snorted. “Never have I ever kissed someone of the opposite sex.”

Jack put a finger down. “I’m gonna go out ahaha,” He laughed at himself. “Never have I ever gone to a party.”

Ralph smiled softly, putting a finger down. “Never have I ever kissed someone of the same sex.”

Jack put a finger down, leaving him with one left.

“Who?”

“I kissed my childhood crush when I was like six.” He laughed. “Who just happened to be a boy.”

“Hah.”

Jack had a burning question that would make him lose, but he very much wanted to know, and felt it worthy of losing over. “Never have I ever,” He said as he put his last finger down, “Masturbated to the thought of one of my friends.”

“You just got yourself out.” Ralph laughed, putting a finger down. “Who?”

“Roger.” They both said in unison before laughing.

“He’s cute.” Ralph snickered.

“For sure.” Jack giggled. “So you said you wanted to go swimming?”

“Yeah, it’d be nice.”

“Doesn’t water like.. scare you?”

“A little? It’s mostly big bodies of water, specifically the ocean, but super big lakes would probably do it too. And rivers.”

“Mm. Well I’m pretty sure any pools in the area will be closed for spring break, but we’ll go swimming soon.” He smiled shyly before realizing what he just got himself into, seeing the beaming grin on Ralph’s face.

 

 

Jack awoke in a cold sweat every night onward until classes started back up again, and he began to distance himself from the blond each time he had the nightmare.

Every night it was the same thing. He was on the island, but it was cold and dead silent. No awful heat and humidity, no waves crashing, no birds and bugs buzzing about, no gleaming sun. It was cold and empty, and he felt like he’d downed a kilo of sand.

He’d walk up to the burned tree and sit beneath it for a while before the feeling of being watched creeped in enough he couldn’t stay there. He stumbled back down towards shore, walking along the beach, the sand, which had usually been scorching hot from the sun beating down, was cold. The once refreshing water was now bitter, almost shocking the redhead enough to puke.

He would stumble down to where they had all curled up and called home, but there was no sign of anyone. He’d look around and suddenly Ralph would be there. Just standing. Staring. Emotionlessly. A cold, glazed over look in his eyes.

He’d approach the blond hesitantly, and the glazed over look would be replaced with a fiery rage and Ralph would scream at him, and the two would eventually end up in a physical altercation. The longer the fighting would go on, the more he realized out of the corner of his eyes that all the other boys were staring from the edge of the woods.

Ralph somehow seemed so much stronger than Jack, and he was quickly pinned to the ground. He’d be punched in the face, Ralph screaming at him about some nonsense, which seemed to be the one of the only real parts of the dream that changed each night. He was being screamed at over something different every time, but with the same seething anger, the same cracking voice.

He’d slip so close to death, and then he’d wake up.

Something else he noticed that changed every night was that the rest of the boys stood closer each night. He felt terribly vulnerable and weak, and he couldn’t stand it.

Once classes started up, the nightmares went away, until Ralph came knocking at his door one evening.

“What’s wrong?” Ralph asked, worry in his voice and clear on his face. Genuine worry. “Did I do something wrong? I’m sorry, Jack I-,” The door was slammed in his face. “Jack..” His voice was quiet and soft, and muffled by the door. “Jack, please.. I just want to be your friend. I-I’ve forgiven you for everything, I’ve apologized for everything. What more can I do? Jack..” He pleaded.

“G-Go away.” His voice broke.

“Jack, I care about you. I want to be close to you. But.. you need to let me in. I’m.. I’m not going to take advantage of you or spread rumours. I promise. I need you to be open with me, Jack.”

“Go away!” Jack croaked, slamming his fist against the door.

“Jack..” The soft voice broke.

“Stay away from me!” The redhead’s voice trembled in anger and fear. “Leave me alone!”

Ralph opened his mouth to speak, but closed it, frowning. He walked himself back to his dorm, and sleep didn’t visit him that night. Not for a second.

He laid in bed, staring at the white ceiling, tears spilling down his cheeks as he choked back sobs. He worried he’d said something, or done something, without realizing, and that he’d ruined everything, and Jack was never going to be able to tolerate being in the same room as him again. He felt like he was swallowing sand, and at this point, he figured he might as well. He’d tried so hard to get close to Jack, and here he was, being pushed away. He was tired of being mad at the redhead, tired of being disgusted by the redhead and what he’d done in the past. Those memories still haunted him, but then again he’s sure they haunted everyone who made it off that bloody island. Instead of being cross with the redhead, he decided to be cross with himself. He blamed himself for Jack’s recent behaviour. It only made sense.

Jack, however, fell into a deep sleep as soon as he knew Ralph had left the building.

In his dream, the same sequence of events happened all the way up to staring Ralph in the face.

All the other boys emerged from the forest, surrounding him in a circle, spears and knifes pointed at the ginger. Each of them repeated a nasty thing. Harshly pointing out something Jack was insecure about, the sounds of his mother screaming and crying and pleading with her husband, the things his father said to him that sent chills down his spine. So many horrid memories flooded back, and as the wave of blurry flashbacks ended, Ralph stepped into the circle.

The blond stared at Jack, looking calm. A glazed over look in Ralph’s green-brown eyes made it feel off-putting.

“You’re a disgusting human being who _will_ rot in the seventh layer of hell.” Ralph spoke, but it hardly sounded like him. It sounded so raspy and strained that had he not been watching the blond’s mouth move, he wouldn’t have been able to place who was saying it.

“I’m sorry.” Jack croaked out meekly.

“You’re weak and stupid. Don’t play such silly games, Jack.” Ralph spat out a direct quote from Jack’s father that still made him sob to this day. “You’re not going to be anything worth being alive for at this rate. You’re a disgusting disappointment. You bring shame to this family.” The voice began to sound more and more like his father, and he felt his heart stop.

“I’m sorry, dad.” He choked out between sobs.

“Sorry doesn’t do jack shit.” He hissed. The other boys, who Jack couldn’t quite focus his gaze on for some reason, inched closer ever so slowly, whispering the statement like a horrid harmonizing echo.

“I’m sorry.” He hiccupped. “I’m sorry.” He repeated over again. “I-I’m sorry.”

Ralph took a step towards the redhead every time he apologized, eventually getting close enough to slap him, and taking full advantage of this.

“God is dead. Being weak, showing your emotions, and opening up to people will get you killed or worse. Keep your god damn mouth shut and fake it until you die, like a man.”

Everything faded to black and Jack shot up, mewling in fear as he blinked, staring at the darkness of his room. Dripping with sweat and tears, he sobbed quietly, putting his knees to his chest and rocking himself back and forth, singing himself lullaby’s in an attempt to console himself.

He wanted to beat Ralph’s god damn pretty little face in.

 

He walked into school that morning with a cold, cunning look in his sharp blue eyes, which glared and burned into anyone who made eye contact. It was intimidating to put it lightly.

He didn’t properly locate Ralph until 4th period, and it wasn’t a pretty sight.

Ralph stared angrily and helplessly at the boy a year ahead of the both of them who had Ralph cornered against a wall and a row of lockers. He spat nasty homophobic, and otherwise disgustingly hateful things at the blond, who just took it. The hallway was desolate, as most students were in class.

All the boiling anger that had been directed towards Ralph was now directed towards the older boy. He felt a frothing sense of jealousy and protectiveness over Ralph that would make him blush later on, but in the moment, he got himself caught up. He gave a good punch to the older boy’s face, not hard enough to break, but hard enough it’d hurt like hell. He shoved the older boy against the lockers opposite where he previously had Ralph pinned.

Jack screamed at him, kicking his shins and giving him punches to the face until a teacher ran out of one of the classrooms and pulled him off the older boy.

The next thing Jack remembers is laying in Ralph’s bed, staring up at the younger boy lovingly as Ralph combed his hand through Jack’s wavy hair, other hand tenderly resting on Jack’s bicep.

“They want to expel you.” Ralph murmured, staring at the ground with a dead look in his eyes. “That’s not going to happen, it’s not like you broke anything, and he was in the wrong, but I have a feeling you’re going to be in a lot of trouble.”

“What does it matter?” Jack asked rhetorically. “All that matters is that you’re okay.” He mumbled, still rather out of it. Had it not been for the fact he’d just shifted back into consciousness, he wouldn’t have said that to Ralph so forwardly.

Ralph smiled shyly, cheeks going pink. “Do you know what day it is?”

“I have no idea.” The redhead laughed dryly.

“Wednesday.”

“Oh.”

“I don’t think they’ll let you go to school tomorrow.” Ralph said softly, eyelashes fluttering.

“I don’t think I want to go to school tomorrow.”

“Should I skip?”

“Only if there’s nothing important going on.”

Ralph smiled softly. “There never is.”

Jack closed his eyes.

“You should get some sleep.”

“It’s not that late.”

“It’s ten-pm.” The blond informed.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” He giggled.

“Goodnight.”

“Sleep tight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments and kudos appreciated


	11. 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I mean, other than you basically outright saying it, your attitude. The way you act just screams `kid who got told that emotions are gay and that no one cares about what you feel`.”
> 
> “Is it really that easy to read..?” Jack flushed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pining shenanigans

Jack awoke briefly to Ralph whispering in his ear that he was leaving for class and that he’d be back early. The redhead’s face flushed when the blond gave him a kiss on the head before quietly leaving.

Ralph could barely pay attention in class, as he was more focused on trying to figure out what he and Jack were, and how far was too far. Finishing his test in his 4th period, instead of heading to lunch, he went to the nurse, lying and saying he had a dreadful headache. She wrote him a note and he was free to go, with a newfound grin on his face as he skipped to his dorm, giving Jack a gleeful smile.

“Hey.” Jack smiled shyly.

“How’re you?”

“Good. How’s school?”

“Boring as ever.” Ralph snorted.

“Listen.. I’m.. I’m sorry about the past few weeks..” He rubbed his arm awkwardly, cutting right to the chase. He just couldn’t stand the awkwardness of not talking about it immediately.

“Things have been odd since spring break.” Ralph swallowed the lump in his throat. “Did I.. Did I do something wrong? Or say something that upset you or something?”

“No! Not at all! I.. I was having bad dreams.” He couldn’t bring himself to admit that he was afraid of opening up. “And they were messing with my perception of reality and my feelings and all that rubbish.”

The blond let out a sigh of relief. “I was so worried it was my fault..”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s.. It’s okay.” He smiled. “How did Roger _ever_ get close to you?” He snorted.

“Uhm.. shit that’s actually a good question.” He pondered that a while. “I guess he.. opened up a lot about his shit life and it made me feel okay about opening up about mine. We bonded over our similar upbringings and that sort of rubbish.”

“Mnm.. we don’t actually have that much in common, huh?”

Jack snorted, “I guess not.”

“That’s alright. As long as you’re willing to.. let me in. I just.. how do I earn your trust?” His want to get close with _Jack Merridew_ disgusted him to his core, but so much of his warm flesh desired the redhead’s touch so much that he was willing to set all the agony and hatred aside. Jack at least understood what he’d been through for the most part. Explaining the island to anyone else was such a hassle he wasn’t prepared to deal with.

The redhead sighed, shrugging. “I have no clue. I could probably come up with some questions to ask you and such.” His heart bounced between his throat and his stomach, as if they were playing a game of catch. A horrid, upsetting game of catch.

“I think that’d be interesting.” The words left Ralph’s lips with a mischievous aftertaste palpable in the air.

“How’d you figure it out?” Jack raised a brow, hesitantly inspecting the fair-haired boy.

“Figure what out?” Ralph asked innocently.

“That I have a crippling fear of opening up..” His voice strained towards the end of his sentence, gritting his teeth as he stared off at one of the counter corners.

“I mean, other than you basically outright saying it, your attitude. The way you act just screams `kid who got told that emotions are gay and that no one cares about what you feel`.”

“Is it really that easy to read..?” Jack flushed.

“If you know anything about bullies, yes.”

“Mnm..” It took courage to speak, and he looked to the floor, unable to look at the blond at all. “How’d you figure out that I used to cut?” He echoed, throat straining in embarrassment more than he would’ve liked it to.

“I had a dreadful dream about it.”

“Oh..” Jack’s voice was unusually soft and quiet, face pink, head low in shame.

“Please don’t ever get back into that sort of thing.”

“I’ll try not to.”

“Thank you.”

“Uhm, you asked me, and I never asked you but, uh, how’d you figure out you were gay? And when? Other than Roger being hot.” The ginger snorted.

“Uh, the island was honestly not the most.. prideful time of my life.” His face flushed. “I guess that’s where I figured it out.”

“Wowza.” Jack had nothing else to say, though he mentally laughed at how that was the first thing that came to mind and passed his lips.

“Yeah.” Ralph snorted. “It never dawned on me before then, but I never really had any interest in girls.”

“Can’t imagine it, honestly. Just as I can’t imagine being straight.” He said with an almost prideful tone at his astute observation.

“You’re just so chaotic you can’t have just one.”

Jack giggled, “Yeah basically.”

“Would you rather settle down with a man or a woman?” Ralph’s head tilted to the side slightly.

“Depends. I don’t think I want kids, but things change, I guess. I’d um, I’d prefer to have kids the straight people way, but I honestly think of marrying a man much more than a woman.”

Ralph nodded, noting the unsure tightness of Jack’s voice and changing the subject. Admittedly, he changed the subject to something else that made Jack uncomfortable, so he guessed he just rather talk about something he was more.. passionate about. “I found a pool that’s open tomorrow night.”

“I-I..”

“Your body is beautiful no matter what it looks like, Jack. No one is going to stare.” He assured the redhead.

His face went beet red. “How are you so confident with your body?”

Ralph snorted. “I’m not. I just know that it’s just a body, and it doesn’t matter much in the grand scheme of things. I’d much rather think about my love life than how mediocre my body is.”

“You just seem so.. okay with it. Like it doesn’t bother you.”

“I have all my body parts, I have a little bit of hair on my stomach and some dumbass looking scars littering my body. I’m not some disfigured burn victim or something.”

Jack nodded softly.

“You can wear a swim shirt if it makes you feel better.”

He smiled at this. “So, uh, anyway. You’ve taken suggestive photos.. and yet you’ve never kissed anyone or been on a date or anything?”

“Again, I can admire my body from afar.”

“What does `suggestive photos` even entail?” Jack snorted at his own question.

“I mean, my definition is basically, in your underwear and not for science.”

Jack giggled. “Makes sense.” He tried to think of the best way to get comfortable with Ralph.. which was difficult saying as all that was coming to mind was kissing him like his life depended on it and all that nasty jazz. Being around the blond was torture. He’d never felt so much want.. so much need.. so much.. love.. for another person like that.

Ralph noted the quiet and turned to look at the redhead, his brows furrowed in concentration. He had to use all his willpower not to kiss him right then and there.

“Do you still hate me?”

“Mm? A little bit. Can’t help it.” Ralph gave a guilty grin, looking through his cupboards for something to eat. “I want to cook for you. There is no stove, there is only a microwave, and yet here I am wishing I could make you some bloody mac and cheese or something.”

“Don’t you have.. microwave mac and cheese?”

“No it tastes gross!”

Jack giggled before trying to go back to what he was asking. “You, uh, feel some pretty mixed emotions towards me, huh?”

Ralph shot him a glare for bringing that topic back up, annoyed, though understanding. “Yeah.” He snorted. “Part of me will probably never stop hating you and being disgusted by everything you do.”

“I mean.. I kind of deserve it.” Jack reasoned.

“Fortunately for the both of us, I hate you a _lot_ less than I did a few months ago.”

“Settling, are we?”

Ralph laughed, “Oh shut it.” He was reminded of the proposition he made a few months ago, going red in the face. He wanted to ask, but when his eyes befell the redhead, he could tell Jack wasn’t quite ready to be pestered about it. Give it a few more weeks.

“Shit, we only have one more year left of secondary school.”

“You going to university and such?”

“..I don’t know. I don’t like thinking about it.” Jack desperately didn’t want to think about how the near future would probably pull them apart. “Are you?”

“Probably. I don’t really want to, but it’s important.”

“What do you want to study?”

“I’m not sure.”

“That’s not a good answer.”

“`I don’t know, I don’t like thinking about it` also isn’t a good answer.” Ralph shot back.

The mood darkened.

“I’m not ready to be an adult and go to big-kid school.” Ralph giggled. “I don’t know what I want to do with my life, I’m going to go into the adult world a virgin to basically everything and have bloody trauma I have to do deal with alongside it.”

“Yeah. Being a kid isn’t any better though, is it?”

“Exactly! Nothing about life as I can see it is any sort of worthwhile.”

“Not even getting to like, be alongside your crush? In a romantic type thing?”

“That would change things.”

Jack snorted.

“Are you suggesting I get with my crush?”

“Maybe.” Jack shrugged. “If he’s a good enough guy.” He smiled, “He’s gonna have to get through me first.”

The blond laughed, seeing the irony of this all too well. “Whatever you say, Merridew.” He snickered. “I’m gonna have to do the same with yours.”

“I’m sure he would _not_ appreciate being interrogated or whatever by you, but you’re welcome to.” He winked.

Conformation. Jack was crushing on a dude. “Is he cute?”

“Oh, he’s _very_ cute.” Jack grinned at the blond. “Is yours cute?”

“Extremely so.” He smiled before biting his lip, holding in the telling details he was about to gush about. “You should probably head back to your flat.”

Jack groaned, “Yeah, you’re right.”

“Swimming, though.” He pointed. “Tomorrow. I’ll pick you up.”

“You make it sound like you have a car.”

“Oh shut it.”

 

Jack was feeling those first date jitters mixed with those first-time jitters, despite neither being the reality of the situation. He held at the straps of his backpack nervously, giving Ralph a grin when their eyes met.

“Ready?” The blond smiled, looking the redhead up and down.

“I think so.” Jack gave a goofy grin, following the smaller boy off campus and to one of the near by bus-stops. Sitting in public transit seats in swim trunks is such an odd feeling.

The next few minutes went by in the blink of an eye. Next thing Jack knew, he was tugging at the neck of his tee shirt, pulling it over his head and shoving it in his backpack, which he shoved into a locker. He quickly glanced at Ralph, turning his attention back to the locker before his mind caught up and his eyes darted back to the blond.

“I thought you’d wear a swim shirt.” Ralph’s voice was soft, as his hazel eyes looking the freckled male up and down.

The ginger’s face flushed, eyes falling to the floor. “Couldn’t find one.”

“Ah,” Ralph exhaled, scanning Jack, the tee shirt he’d just taken off still clutched in his hands.

Jack’s blue eyes fell on the god-awful scar on Ralph’s chest, going from the middle all the way to his shoulder. He winced. That was his doing.

The fair-haired boy noticed Jack’s remorseful gaze and his own gaze softened.

Jack shyly reached his hand out, as if he were planning to run his fingertips along the scar, but his arm faltered before falling back to his side, he averted his eyes.

“Haunting reminders.” Ralph echoed distantly, staring at Jack with an unreadable look.

“Unsettling mistakes..” Jack trailed off.

Ralph sighed before lightening the mood, going back to staring at the redhead with a smile. “Woah, what a surprise,” He said sarcastically. “You’re not an eye sore.”

“Are you going to stare at me forever or are we going to go out their and swim for forty-five minutes before calling it quits?” Jack’s brow raised, happy to change the subject.

Snickering, the blond shoved his shirt into his locker, following the redhead out to the pool.

They swam and splashed and raced and laughed, Jack slowly getting more comfortable with how much skin was uncovered, being able to let loose and not worry about it as much. His eyes lingered on that scar far too often. A sickening reminder of what a psychopath he was. Er—technically it’s high-functioning sociopathy—tsk tsk, technicalities. Technicalities that granted, he found important, because mental illnesses aren’t adjectives.. yet he used them as such more often than he’d care to admit.

Jack’s prediction was almost spot on, and Ralph couldn’t help but laugh at this.

“Experience.” The redhead snorted.

“You swim a lot?”

“I want to.” Jack said as he dried his chlorine scented hair with his towel.

“What do you mean?” Ralph asked, pulling off his swim trousers and toweling himself down.

“I want to join the swim team.”

“Then do it.”

“I.. just..”

Ralph nodded, “Mhm. I know, but I sit next to a girl on swim team and they’re body positive or whatever. They’ve got a rule not to stare or judge or anything like that.” He smiled assuringly.

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean anything. Just because there’s a rule for no diving in the pool doesn’t mean we didn’t just do it.” He referred back to what had happened only about 30 minutes prior.

“We got yelled at.”

Jack sighed, pulling on his shirt uneasily.

“You’ll be fine. I have faith in you.” Ralph smiled, placing his hand on the small of Jack’s speckled back reassuringly.

The redhead squeaked, recoiling from the blond’s touch. “You aren’t wearing anything, don’t touch me.” He quacked.

The shorter boy giggled, “Fair point.”

 

“Do you have any regrets?” Jack asked, hands on the back of his head, ankles crossed as he laid on his couch, hair still wet from the shower he took as soon as they got back from the pool.

“Uhm. That’s a good question. I do, but most of the ones that immediately come to mind aren’t exactly things I can help, or things I could’ve changed.”

“What do you mean?” The redhead lifted his head up to look at the blond.

“Like, the island. I regret ever being there, it ruined my view on life, it ruined my relationship with my parents, it stunted my humanity and my emotions, but it’s not like I could’ve chosen not to end up there. It was out of my control. It happened, I couldn’t cause it, nor could I prevent it.”

This gave the air a somber feel, Jack nodded. “Yeah.”

“So I guess, in the actual definition of regret, not really. There’s better things to do than dwell on silly decisions and all that.” He shrugged, running his hand through his hair. “So what about you?”

“I have a lot of regrets.”

“No surprise. You think you could’ve prevented yourself from ending up on the island?”

“Maybe? I.. I don’t even know.” He snorted. “I regret everything on the island, that’s for sure.”

“Yeah..”

“Do you miss anyone?”

“That’s.. kind of a weird question.” Ralph giggled before his voice grew serious. “Yeah. I miss the people that my parents used to be, I miss who I used to be. I miss Simon and Piggy, I miss my childhood friends. I miss a lot of people. I had a lot just.. ripped away from me.”

Jack bit his lip.

“Who do you miss?”

“Bold of you to assume I miss people.” Jack snorted.

“Oh fuck off.” Ralph laughed, throwing a balled up sock at the older boy.

“I miss uh.. Piggy and Simon.” He shrugged, “They weren’t awful people.” He furrowed his brows, “I don’t even remember what happened.. er at least not until I fall asleep. Details are so blurry until I’m soundly sleeping, then I can sense every minute detail and it’s terrifying.” He shuddered. “I don’t really miss anyone else.” He snorted, “Guess I’m really an asshole.”

“Eh,”

“I mean..” He hesitated, something inside of him desperately trying to pull him back in his shell. “I didn’t really have anyone close. Roger was the closest I’ve ever been to someone, and I never knew anywhere close to everything about him.” He shrugged. “There aren’t a lot of people I encountered that passed me by that I would like to swing back ‘round.”

Ralph nodded, smiling sympathetically at the ginger. “You’re doing really great with opening up. I’m really proud of you.” The tender sparkle of hope in his eyes sent shivers down Jack’s spine.

His face flushed, “I-I, shit,” He laughed nervously, “I don’t think anyone has ever told me they’re proud of me.”

“That would make a lot of sense.” Ralph gave a lopsided smile.

“That’s.. really nice to hear..” His body tingled with such warm fuzzy feelings he doesn’t remember ever feeling before. “Makes me.. wanna like.. continue to do stuff that makes you proud.”

“I think that’s what it’s supposed to do. Encouragement to be a better person. That’s what relationships are supposed to be.”

Jack gave the blond an odd look at the word `relationships`.

“Relationship is a broad term, you goof.”

The redhead giggled.


	12. 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You can tell it’s getting close to summer.” Jack said, looking up at the trees as they walked the sidewalk.
> 
> “Getting warm.”
> 
> “Yeah.”
> 
> “Jack?” He turned to the redhead.
> 
> “Yeah?” Jack met his gaze.
> 
> “Are we a thing?”
> 
> “I think we are.”
> 
> Ralph smiled timidly, looking at the ground. He brought his body closer to the taller boy’s, leaning his arm against Jack’s as they walked hand in hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (as a note, I couldn't stand leaving it as "12th year" bcuz that's not how secondary school is in the UK, for y'all non-metric users)

You could feel it in the air, school was coming close to summer break. The 11th years got extra cocky, everyone else groaned in both relief and exasperation. This was the time of year that kids wouldn’t stop talking about what they were going to do over the summer. Of course, some kids (basically the tolerable ones) were just going to Nan’s house, if not just staying home and playing videogames in the dark at 11pm. For the most part, much to Jack’s dismay, a majority of the students had some elaborate magic plan.

The types of kids that went to old timey boarding schools weren’t usually the poor unfortunates. As usual with most things, there was a good amount of kids who ended up here because their parents didn’t want to deal with them. Whether that be because they’re bad parents, are going through a divorce, are moving or something of the sort, or just can’t put up with their kid and hope they can be better off here.

Admittedly, most of the school was made up by the well-off kids who came from wealthy families. A few big brand names, a few generations off from the royal bloodline, otherwise aristocratic rooted families. This meant a lot of kids had summer plans to rent a yacht or go to an exotic island or France or Denmark or Japan or China.

Jack was not well-off, and not from a well-off family, and didn’t have fancy plans to tour the African savanna in his adidas tracksuits. This frustrated him, to the point he was absentmindedly scribbling on his paper with his blue pen, pressing hard enough to almost tear the paper.

His mother’s soft, cautious words echoed in his ears.

“You have until Friday to give us an answer. We want you home, but I’m not going to stop you.”

“I don’t ever want to fucking go home, dad treats me like shit, and you can’t look at me without tearing up, and you won’t stand up for yourself, and you go along with everything he says! I want to stay as far away from you as possible! Stop trying to pull me back into your riptide! Let me breathe fresh air!” He had yelled, tears pricking in his eyes.

His mum hadn’t said anything to that. Her silence was submissive and agitated. “Goodnight, Jack.”

His fists balled up, knuckles turning white as he glared down at his science paper, brain not even processing anything on the paper.

What in the fuck was he to do? Where was he going to stay? He was _not_ going home. Not ever. He couldn’t bring himself to. Out of all the awful things he’s done, and all the awful things he deserves, he didn’t deserve going home. Hitler and Stalin were about the only people he could think of that would deserve to go home. Home was worse than hell because here on earth, it’s the only life you get, and your life isn’t long enough to be wasting it in such a horrid fashion.

It’d kept him up most of the night and kept him distracted most of the day until he met the blond’s caring hazel eyes. His face flushed and his heart hammered in his chest as the shorter boy approached him.

“What’s wrong?” Ralph asked, voice tender enough it made Jack want to hug him. He’d picked up on the upset vibes coming off the redhead immediately.

“My god damn parents want me home for the summer.”

“So have you made up your mind, then?”

“About what?”

Ralph sighed, tilting a brow. “Do you not remember? I asked you if you wanted to spend the summer with me.”

“When’d you ask? And at your parents?”

He sighed again, “I have a summer house.”

“Rich kid, are we?”

“Not really.” The blond rolled his eyes. “And I told you that back in like.. February.”

“Oh. I thought it happened in a dream.”

Ralph shook his head, chuckling.

“I.. I want to say no, just for the drama of it, but I don’t think I really have a choice.” Jack laughed.

“Drama queen.”

“That’s me.” He grinned.

“I have to get to class now, but I’ll see you ‘round, yeah?”

“Yeah, bye.”

 

“I feel like we phase in and out of hanging out.” Ralph said, staring at the wall.

“Well, would you like to come in?” Jack moved out of the doorway, gesturing the shorter male to come inside. “That’s been eating at you, huh?” He grinned, seeing the relief on the blond’s face as he stepped into Jack’s room.

“Yeah. I don’t really know why but I couldn’t shake the thought.”

“You’re thinking too hard, smart guy.” He shut the door.

“Yeah, I guess.” Ralph smiled shyly.

“What? Did you think I get tired of you and need to take a break every once in a while or something?”

Ralph only bit his lip and shrugged.

“Cuz’ you’ve got it all wrong, mate.”

“Mm.” The blond mumbled as he sat himself on the redhead’s sofa. He loved the way Jack’s whole room smelled like him. Ralph couldn’t figure out what the smell was or how to replicate it, but it was intoxicating.

Jack tried to skate by the real reason his hospitality comes and goes. He couldn’t handle being around the blond for too long, he’d always get a little too wrapped up, always get a little too close to kissing the enthralling blond, or confessing his feelings. His crippling fear that Ralph’s feelings weren’t mutual kept him back. Just because Ralph found him attractive didn’t mean he was actually interested in dating him. Plus, Ralph had a crush, and it was probably Roger, if not the cute boy he’d gotten paired up with a while back for a project. His thoughts would always spiral farther and farther into this territory that his lip would start to tremble, feeling his heart sink, and thus, tried to avoid thinking about any of this.

“Jack?” The blond broke the silence, his green gaze soft.

“Yeah?”

“Have you ever fallen in love with someone and felt like it was wrong?”

“Like immoral?”

“Exactly, yeah.”

“Yeah. It’s called not being straight.” Jack quipped. “At least for me.”

“Your parents are assholes.” Ralph chided.

“So are yours.”

The blond flashed a smile. “Have you ever felt so mixed about falling in love with someone? Or like, you worry that maybe it’s just lust and you don’t actually have feelings for him?”

“Yeah?”

“I’ve been struggling with that a lot.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You should be.” Ralph said before snorting, having not expected that to actually come out of his mouth.

The shocked expression on the blond’s face kept Jack from feeling defensive. “That crawled out of the pit of evil.”

“Thought I locked that bitch up.”

“Apparently not.” Jack chortled.

“Just.. ignore what I said.” He grinned nervously, shaking his head as he stared at the ground.

“No, I’m curious. Why should I feel sorry over you feeling mixed about your crush?”

Ralph stared at the blue-eyed boy, expecting for it to settle in, but it never did. He laughed, harder than he’d intended but he couldn’t help it.

“Whaaat?” Jack whined. “What’s so funny?”

“You’re completely retarded.” Ralph laughed.

“I already know that, answer my question!!” He pouted.

“Say it again, slowly, use your imagination and intuition and intellect.”

“You’re assuming I’m headstrong, which I am not.”

“Just about the only strong you are is physically.”

“Not really.” Jack snorted, rubbing his arm self-consciously.

“You are really strong, but that’s beside the point. Do as I said.” He instructed.

Jack’s heart proceeded to have a seizure as he pieced it together, throat going dry as his face went red.

Ralph went pink in the face, grabbing his bag and heading to the door, unable to sit there any longer. “Goodbye, Jack. I’ll see you in school tomorrow.” His voice trembled.

“This doesn’t change anything in a bad way.” Jack said loudly, making sure Ralph could hear.

Jack was smarter than Ralph had previously presumed, at least when it came to panicky emotional overloads like this. Jack’s words were what kept him from breaking down. He shoved out his thoughts with school work as soon as he made it to his flat, drugging himself so he’d fall asleep without a fight, not ready to overthink it.

 

They avoided each other in the halls, seeing each other and averting their eyes awkwardly, blushing. Ralph desperately held onto the redhead’s words, and the fact that he knew the ginger wasn’t great at emotional shit in the long run and big life altering decisions.

 

Ralph panicked when his eyes fell on the redhead, who apparently had also decided to go grocery shopping at 10pm. He couldn’t help but sneakily follow the older boy, though staying a good distance away. He found himself inching closer each moment, though, to the point he got caught.

“Oh, hey, Ralph.” Jack said nonchalantly, looking at the shelf, which Ralph wasn’t paying attention to.

“What are you up to?”

“Shopping. I presume you’re here because of a very complex series of incidents that have started you on your magical quest and you’re here to find healing items.”

The blond couldn’t help but giggle. His eyes focused on what Jack’s eyes were focused on. Ralph’s face went pink.

“What are those for?”

“I have a date coming up.” Jack grinned, finally deciding on the box of condoms he wanted and grabbing them, placing them in his basket.

“Oh,” Ralph’s heart dropped, more so than it probably should’ve. “Why didn’t you tell me? Isn’t that what, uh, friends do?” He was hesitant to use the F word but it was the only word that made sense.

“I wanted it to be a surprise.” Jack’s face flushed as he turned to look at the blond.

It took a second to click, but when Jack opened his mouth again, Ralph blushed a deep red.

“Would you maybe want to go on a date with me? Catch a movie or go on a walk or something. ‘Up to you.” He grinned nervously, shrugging.

The wide-eyed Ralph couldn’t speak, and he could barely smile, or stand even; only blink at the speckled redhead.

“Oh, and no. We’re not having our first kiss in a convenience store at ten-pm.” Jack grabbed at the bumbling idiot’s hand, dragging him through the store.

Ralph eventually calmed down enough to continue grocery shopping, though his flushed face didn’t let up, his hand still intertwined with Jack’s.

They paid for their things and walked back to campus through the dark, both red in the face as they swung their hands lightly.

“You can tell it’s getting close to summer.” Jack said, looking up at the trees as they walked the sidewalk.

“Getting warm.”

“Yeah.”

“Jack?” He turned to the redhead.

“Yeah?” Jack met his gaze.

“Are we a thing?”

“I think we are.”

Ralph smiled timidly, looking at the ground. He brought his body closer to the taller boy’s, leaning his arm against Jack’s as they walked hand in hand.

There were so many things they wanted to say. They both desperately wanted to say `I love you`, ask so many questions, tell so many secrets. They wanted to do so many things. Kiss softly and romantically like in the cinema. Throw the other against the wall and snog. Fuck right there, right then on the sidewalk in the dark.

Instead, they settled for hand holding and bashfully grinning at the ground before splitting their separate ways.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” Jack waved.

“Goodnight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hhhahah


	13. 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ralph waved shyly, walking off.
> 
> The redhead blushed at the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my boyf decided that my writing wasn't good enough, thus rewriting the beginning  
> that automatically means I need to give y'all a smut warning  
> just some wanking ft. my boyfriend being fucking nasty so that's rad  
> enjoy y'all mfkrs  
> ALSO IT'S OVER 3500 WORDS

Slumping against the door, Ralph ran a shaky hand through his hair and bit his lip. Smiling, he pushed himself off the door and brought his groceries into the kitchen. Quickly putting away what he got and shoving the plastic bags in the garbage, he gazed around the dark apartment. His thoughts wandered over the recent events, taking a shaky breath to recollect himself, he walked back toward the door and kicked off his shoes. Approaching his bed, he threw himself down onto the soft sheets.

His groin ached against the restraint of his pants, his face a soft pink. Kicking off the clothing, he undid a few buttons so it wouldn’t feel so stuffy in the room. Brushing his fingers along his sticky abdomen, he shivered when his hand brushed his navel cavity. Releasing a shuddered exhale, he trailed his hand under the waistband of his briefs.

“A-ah,” He groaned, slowly stroking himself. His stomach caved, slightly arching into his touch.

Closing his eyes tightly, he imagined Jack on top of him, slowly stroking his erection. His perfect teeth biting into that plump bottom lip, his freckled face a hazy pink, blue eyes yawning with arousal.

“Does that feel good?” He purred, playing with the head of Ralph’s cock.

“Hah.. yeah.” He moaned, tangling a hand into his own hair. “So good.. don’t stop Jack, please!”

Ralph stroked himself faster, legs spreading further as he tangled his sheets to the point of no return. His dorm was filled with moans and pants, the blond too soaked up in his mind to hear anything else but a certain ginger’s husky voice in his ear.

“J-Jack,” His voice raised in pitch, teeth digging into his lip. “Fuck me.”

Hands caressed his hips, lips flush to his neck as a warm tongue dragged up to his ear, whispered nothings tickling his ear.

“So beautiful baby, my perfect naughty _slut_.” Jack murmured against his skin. “Cum for me love, show me how much you want me to fuck you.”

“J-Ja-JACK!” He quacked, cumming in violent spurts. “Oh God!”

Falling back into the tenderness of his mattress, he panted heavily, an arm slung over his eyes. Chest rising and falling, slick in sweat and glistening. He let out an exhausted chuckle.

“Damn you, Merridew.”

He cleaned himself up and nestled into bed, slipping into sleep quickly. Nothing like a good wank to get you to sleep.

 

Jack ran his hand through his hair, putting his groceries away, pacing back and forth on the linoleum floor of the kitchenette. There was an emptiness to his room that he’d only recently realized. The energy he brought to the air gave the room an almost echoing vigor.

“I can’t believe I just ran with it!” He gawked at himself. “That was the smoothest thing ever!” He rambled as he shoved things into the cupboard. “Oh my god!!!” He yelled to himself, digging clothes out of his dresser and shoving them on the bathroom counter, turning on the water.

He pulled off his shirt, pacing around a minute before pulling off the rest of his clothes and skulking into the shower. The feeling of the hot water pouring down through his hair, on his shoulders, and down his back, felt smashing. Divine. Heaven, almost.

“You’ve done it now, Jack!” He laughed, “You’ve really gone and done it!” He scrubbed down his body.

He continued to squawk at himself in pleased surprise, pulling himself into clothes, then into bed. It wasn’t easy for him to drift off to sleep, but he slept deeply when he finally made it.

 

Jack stumbled across Ralph in the hallway between classes and they smiled at each other. Neither of them could find their words, grinning and red in the face. Jack pulled out his phone and typed before looking back at the hazel eyed blond, who pulled out his phone after it vibrated.

Ralph’s smile grew as he giggled, he typed and then met Jack’s blue gaze.

Jack’s phone vibrated and he looked down at the message.

**> Yeah sure. Do we have to wear tuxes or smthn or can we just wear normal clothes?**

The redhead thought for a second before responding.

**> I think we can wear whatever**

Ralph giggled as he typed.

**> Should I wear a dress**

**> Tempting but no**

They both giggled.

**> Ilu**

Jack blushed, looking up at the blond.

**> Ilu2**

**> I gtg to class now**

Ralph waved shyly, walking off.

The redhead blushed at the floor.

 

“I think I’m gonna ask Allyssa.” Roger stated, staring at said girl from across the lunchroom.

“Mm.” Jack mumbled over the noise of the lunchroom.

“Who are you taking?” He looked at the ginger.

“Uh, I dunno.” He lied, shrugging. “Might not go.”

“You don’t need a partner to go.”

“It’s not that.”

“You don’t need a girl to go.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, there hasn’t been a rule specifying the gender of your partner, like, ever.” Roger snorted.

“Oh,” Jack tried to sound indifferent.

“You gonna bring Ralph?”

The ginger’s face burned, “Yeah,” He grinned.

“Cute. You two have chemistry.” He nodded. “What are you guys going to wear?”

“Normal clothes, probably.” Jack snorted.

“Sounds like you alright.”

“Yuppers. What about you?”

“Depends. I’m probably gonna wear a sports jacket with a dress shirt of whatever colour her dress is gonna be.”

Jack nodded. “I completely forgot there was a dance before summer break.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“I know I am, so are you.”

“Solidarity.”

“See you around.”

“Gonna go sit with your _boyfriend_?” Roger teased.

“He’s not my boyfriend..” Jack whined, red in the face.

“Mhm, not yet, because you’re a shy nerd.”

“Shut it, that’s a secret.” He winked.

“Good luck, mate.”

Jack waltzed confidently over to where Ralph sat, his confidence immediately diminishing when his blue eyes met Ralph’s green-ish ones. His cheeks burned.

“Hey, babe.” Ralph said quietly, smiling bashfully at the table.

The redhead sat down next to him. “H-Hey.”

“Can I come over to yours after class?”

“Uh, sure? What for?” He grinned.

“I just wanna be around you.” He shrugged, “Lean against you without people staring.”

Jack snickered, “Works for me.”

 

“God, it’s weird thinking of you as my boyfriend.” Ralph giggled, staring at the ceiling as he laid on the sofa.

“I-I.. you know we haven’t properly made it official, so _technically_ we aren’t even dating.”

“Jack will you be my boyfriend?”

The redhead swallowed thickly, “Yes.”

“Well now it’s official.” Ralph snorted. “God, it’s weird thinking of you as my boyfriend.” He repeated.

Jack laughed, “You’re too much.”

“Mm, I’m sure I’m just enough.”

“Maybe for you.”

“Maybe you should be more like me, then.” The blond said lowly.

“Mm, nah. Then I probably wouldn’t like you nearly as much because you’d remind me of myself.”

“You are a sad, broken man, Merridew.”

“Well now I’m _your_ sad, broken man.”

“And I enjoy your sad, broken company dearly.”

Jack giggled.

“’You looking forward to spending summer with me?”

“Yeah.” His face flushed thinking about it. “No adults, huh?”

“Yeah,” The blond laughed, “It’s gonna be great. No neighbours to tell us we’re too loud, either.”

The ginger’s face flushed darker. “What are you getting at?”

“You know _exactly_ what I’m getting at.” Ralph purred lowly, grinning. “And don’t play embarrassed shy boy, you’re the one who asked me out by buying rubbers in front of me.” He snorted.

“I was in a different headspace.” Jack defended.

“Oh yeah? What type of headspace?” He smirked, looking at the redhead.

“Shut your gob.” The taller boy croaked.

“You’re precious.” Ralph shook his head. “And to think I thought I was the bottom.”

“You are! Er.. probably! I don’t know!” Jack quacked, blush somehow growing darker.

Ralph chuckled, “You need to stop being this cute.”

“And you need to stop being a flirt.”

“Deal.”

Ralph beckoned the redhead to him, who reluctantly sat down next to him. The blond put an arm around him, resting his head on his shoulder. The two shame-faced boys fell quiet, enjoying each other’s body heat.

“What should we do for our date?” Ralph asked.

“I was thinking that going to the dance would be our date.” Jack’s voice quivered.

“Eh, seems like a possibly lame first date. Let’s go fuck in a park or something. I want a rush of adrenaline, not an awful song and sweaty teens.”

“That’s kind of what I want our first time to be.”

“Bad music and sweat?”

“Yeah.” Jack giggled. “C’mon, Ralphy, just think about it.”

“I am.” Ralph’s voice wavered. “Unfortunately.” He snorted.

He elbowed the blond. “Some Joji, and mood lighting, sheets loosely wrapped around us.”

“You think about it a lot, huh?”

“Maybe.” He giggled.

“Post Malone and chill.”

Jack laughed, swaying the both of them side to side a bit, resting his head on top of Ralph’s as he rested his arm around the shorter boy’s shoulders.

Ralph brought his other arm around Jack’s front, intertwining his fingers on Jack’s side. He turned his head, burrowing his nose in the ginger’s neck.

“I love this.” He caught himself last second.

“Yeah.” Jack blinked.

“Jack?”

“Yeah?”

“We missed Valentines day.”

“Yeah, by a lot.” Jack snorted.

“I just realized it, leave me be.” He pouted.

Jack shivered at the hot breath against his neck.

“Let’s go out for dinner.” The redhead said, less of a suggestion and more of an order.

“Like tonight?”

“Like right now.”

“I’m not wearing anything fancy, though.”

“We’re not going to a fancy restaurant, and you always look smashing to me, so c’mon.” He grabbed the blond by the hand and pulled him up and out the door.

 

The two would make eye contact between bites, both growing rather quiet.

“You have anything coming up?” Ralph asked, dipping his chip in tomato sauce.

“Uh, not really. Other than that dance.” He snickered.

“I have a history test.”

“Fun.”

“Yeah,” Ralph snorted, shoving another chip in his mouth.

“There’s, what, a month of school left?”

“Thirty-five days.” The blond smiled lovingly at the older male.

“And the dance is..”

“Next Friday.”

Jack nodded, “That’s what I thought.”

“Snuck up quietly, didn’t it?”

“Yeah.” Jack laughed, poking at his food. “I completely forgot about that stuff. I’m usually not really into that type of thing. School parties aren’t my scene.”

“You used to blabber about how you saw high school dances in movies and how you yearned to go to one.”

“That was back when I was more extroverted.”

“Now you’re just a big, shy, self-hating introvert.”

“Yeah basically.” The redhead giggled, taking a sip of water, which was far too cold for his liking. He winced.

“It’s bloody cold.” He distinguished.

“Mhm, hurts my teeth.” He mumbled.

“You almost finished?” He looked to the other’s plate.

“I think I’m done.” Jack nodded.

“Split the bill?”

“Nah, I’ll pay for it. S’long as you pay for tickets to the dance.” He grinned.

“Fine by me.” Ralph shrugged.

Jack wrapped his arm around the shorter boy as they walked back to campus in the dark.

“Bloody hell it’s almost curfew.” Jack snorted, looking at his watch.

“Want to stay at mine? It’s closer.”

“Psht, yeah, by a few centimetres. I’m good,” He smiled nervously. “I kind of need some alone time if you don’t mind.”

Ralph leaned his head against Jack, “Sure, sweetheart.” He said softly, “Don’t keep yourself up too late,” He winked, “’Need your beauty rest.” His grin made Jack’s face burn.

The redhead snorted, elbowing the blond. “Shut it, wanker.”

“That’s what I was last night, tonight I’m more of a devotee.” Ralph smirked, cheeks hazing ever so slightly.

“Goodnight, Ralph.” Jack let go of the blond.

“Goodnight, dearest.” Ralph fluttered his fingers, walking backwards to his flat before turning on his heels and picking up his pace, wanting to get to bed.

 

Jack’s skin was overall rather coarse, dry and crackly in areas, particularly his lips, much to the blond’s dismay, but everything about him was so soft, so calculated, so tender and meek. The way he held the smaller boy’s hand sent chills up his spine and left a smile on his pale face. They swung their hands as they walked through the front hall and to the multipurpose room, where they sat down at an empty table.

Though Jack was hesitant and self-conscious to let people see them not hate each other’s guts, Ralph insisted that it didn’t matter to the point that Jack only let Ralph do his thing just to get him to shut up and stop pestering him.

“I have an eye appointment later today.” Jack said, staring at the table.

“Oh?” Ralph looked up from his notebook. “You have to get your vision all burry, do you want me to go with you?”

The redhead cracked a smile. “I’d really appreciate that.”

“I can stay the night at your flat afterwards, yeah?”

“Uh, I guess, b-but we’re probably gonna get uh, you know, we’re gonna do..”

Ralph laughed, swaying to press his body against the blond playfully before swaying back into place in one fluid motion. “Yeah, that’s fine.” He shrugged.

“Aren’t you, um, like, nervous?” His pink face made the blond chuckle.

“Of course I am.”

“You don’t act like it.”

“I’m good at hiding that stuff.” He winked.

They both sighed when the bell rang.

“Catch you after class!” Jack smiled.

 

“How’d it go?”

“I feel like my eyes are enlarged stress balls.”

“Can you see?”

“I mean, my eyes can comprehend light that bounces off my retinas.” Jack snorted.

“The lens actually refract light onto the retinas.” Ralph corrected, grabbing the redhead’s hand.

“Shut up, nerd.” He laughed, licking his finger and touching his eye.

“Jack,” He whined.

“What is it that I’m touching right now?”

“Jack.”

“You know the answer.” He grinned.

Ralph sighed, “Your cornea, now get your finger out of your eye.”

“It feels all big and weird.”

“Jack.”

“Sheesh, don’t wear out my name too much, you’re gonna be using it a lot tonight.” He smirked.

Ralph rolled his eyes, “How bad is your vision right now?” He asked, looking at the redhead.

“Uh,” He squinted, looking at his surroundings. “I can barely make out the front desk. Everything’s super blurry.”

“Guess it’s a good thing you chose frames beforehand just in case, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Jack blushed, “I’m gonna have glasses, oh boy.”

“You look great in the ones you chose.”

“Thanks.” He grinned sheepishly. “When are they gonna be done?”

“They have to make the lenses and put them in the frames.”

“How do you know all this stuff?”

Ralph shrugged, “I actually paid attention to what the optometrist said.” He laughed, “Let’s go ask the receptionist.”

Two days. Sunday afternoon they could pick it up.

Leaving, the two made their way to the nearest bus stop, only having to wait a few minutes before the bus arrived.

 

“My vision is finally coming back to me.” Jack murmured. “I missed you, buddy ‘ol pal, even if you couldn’t do your one life purpose worth shit.”

Ralph laughed, “Are you sure you’re feeling alright?” He joked.

“Mnnnmmm, I dunno, why don’t you come over here and find out.”

“I’m making food.”

“God you’re the best.”

Ralph snickered, bringing over a plate of cheese and crackers with apple slices in a bowl to go with.

The ginger grinned, plucking up an apple slice. “You’re amazing.”

“You’re welcome.” The blond smiled.

 

After they were done snacking, Jack put on music and the two bounced up and down and spun around to some bops. They laughed and danced around as they jumped up onto the sofa and ran around on the floor like children.

Eventually, a slower song came on and Jack beckoned the blond toward him. Ralph reluctantly took the older boy’s hands and they pretended they knew how to slow dance.

The two giggled, swaying back and forth as they snuck glances at each other’s sparkly eyes.

“It’s just like in the cinema.” Jack giggled.

“Only better.” Ralph had an impulse to kiss the redhead, but something held him back.

“Yeah, much better.”

They shyly eyed each other’s lips, pink in the face.

“Are you going to kiss me or what?” Jack cocked a brow.

Ralph’s heart leaped, and he stepped back, holding his now free hands to his chest. He stared at the redhead nervously, lip trembling as he searched blue eyes for courage.

Jack’s heart sank, and he stood still as the music faded out. In the cinema, there’d be no music that picked up afterwards, but this wasn’t the cinema. He sighed, shutting off the far too cheery song, heart feeling like it was suspended in midair, twirling slightly in his chest. He stared at the floor.

The blond came to his senses, stepping back towards the redhead and pulling him back into a slow dance, resting his head on Jack’s collarbone, staring at the floor as he swayed them back and forth, humming a slow, melancholy tune.

Arms wrapped around the shorter boy, Jack couldn’t speak, just stare at the floor as he danced with the indecisive male. He sighed, feeling impatient. Ralph hadn’t been the one backing down recently, and Jack was having difficulty figuring out what this was all about. How much longer could the blond painstakingly take his time? It was strenuous. He couldn’t hold on like this forever.

Or, well, actually Jack very much could, he had been doing so for years, just, oh whatever, you get the point. He didn’t want to wait any longer, he’d gotten too close to getting it to be left empty handed.

Ralph finally broke away, getting himself situated on the sofa.

“Goodnight, Jack.”

“..Goodnight..” His voice wavered, quiet with disappointment. He crawled into bed and stared at the wall, his back to the blond. He cursed himself out, he’d gotten his hopes up. Then he cursed Ralph out for getting his hopes up. Then he laid there in a pile of misery. Festering.

Ralph cursed himself out thoroughly, why did he get cold feet last second? He acted as if Jack had just confessed to killing his parents or something, Jack didn’t deserve the terrified look he gave him. Over an hour must’ve passed before Ralph sucked in a breath and got up, crawling into bed.

Jack’s nose twitched as he stared at the wall, rage burning in his eyes as he felt Ralph meekly nestle against his back.

“Get out of my bed, Ralph.” He said sternly enough that his made himself nervous.

“But,”

“Get out. Of my bed. Ralph.” Jack ordered lowly through clenched teeth.

“S-Sorry,” Ralph’s voice broke as he scurried back to the couch.

Neither of them slept worth shit that night.

Breakfast the next morning was quiet, passively standoffish, and melancholy. They both looked down sadly at their food, neither brave enough to talk for quite some time.

“I’m sorry.” Ralph broke the silence.

Jack still wasn’t sure whether he should be madder at himself or Ralph, and thus stayed quiet.

“I backed out, and it was uncalled for.” Ralph’s voice trembled lightly, “You didn’t deserve that at all.”

“Ralph, just,” Jack sighed, “Finish eating and go home. I don’t want to be around you right now.”

“Sorry.” The blond said again, getting up and collecting his things. “Sorry.” He said before shutting the door. The walk back to his flat was filled with sorrow and regret.

They were both left to fester over the weekend, Ralph regretting everything meanwhile Jack tried to plan out the perfect first kiss. Something better than in cinema. So much better that watching something similar in the cinema would be unimportant and a waste of time.

Mood lighting. Mood music. Fresh soft sheets.

He sighed. This was going to have to happen after the dance. He couldn’t bring himself to do it before. It just seemed too rushed. It would be a romanticized recreation of the dance, not a spotty attempt at creating the dance right before it happened, that would just be idiotic.

 

“Did you guys breakup already?” Roger asked the redhead.

“No?” Jack gave him a perplexed look. “Why?”

“Well Ralph was texting me a bunch of existentialist bullshit past midnight.”

“Oh, fuck.” Jack’s voice dropped. “I got to go.” He trotted off, trying to locate the blond.

He found the younger boy by his locker, grabbing for a textbook. Jack pulled the blond into an extremely unexpected hug, but Ralph almost immediately melted into it.

“I’m sorry.” Ralph mumbled into Jack’s neck.

“No, fuck, I’m sorry, I completely forgot to let you know that it was fine. I was mad at first, but I realized you were right.”

“Right about what??” Ralph pulled his head out of the redhead’s neck.

“That wouldn’t have been a cinema worthy kiss.”

Ralph’s befuddled look didn’t give up.

“I want it to be perfect. Something that still makes you sweat and shiver when you’re old and alone.” Jack babbled. “Something you will forever long to relive. Something that’ll haunt your dreams and make you regret us ever splitting our separate ways.” Neither of them paid any mind to the eyes on them.

“Jack Merridew you are a psychopath.”

“High-functioning sociopath but alright.” Jack corrected, grinning.

 

Jack sat on Ralph’s bed, watching him fold his laundry.

“I should get you some frilly underwear sometime.” Jack said, head resting on his fist, legs criss-crossed.

“I think you’d look better in them.” Ralph smirked.

“Mn, nah, you would.”

“Guess we’ll just have to see, won’t we?” Ralph cocked a brow at him.

The redhead wiggled his in response.

“Ahaha, you’re adorable.”

“So are you.”

“Mnm.”

The two fell into a comfortable silence.

“You know what I’m thinking about right now?”

“Other than me bending you over the counter and fucking you?”

“Cute, and no, it’s the other way around.” Ralph snorted. “I’m thinking about you singing.”

“Oh,” Jack blushed. “That’s cute.” He smiled softly.

“You’re cute.” The blond gave him a playful look as he folded his underwear. “I’m also thinking about you wearing my underwear and it’s really cute.”

“I love how just about the only article of clothing that we both fit into is socks and underwear.”

“I guess that’s just the most universal stuff.” Ralph shrugged.

“We have the same waist size, I think.”

“That’d make sense.” The hazel eyed boy nodded.

“Is it too early to say `I love you`?”

“What?” Ralph grinned bewilderedly.

“You heard me.”

“Yeah, I did, just, what?” He laughed. “Of course it’s not too early.” He smiled eagerly, desperately wanting to hear the redhead say it. “It’s not like you’re suddenly going to scare me off by confessing your love.”

“Feels like that’s kind of what happened on Friday.”

“I.. no, I don’t think so. I just kind of.. chickened out, I guess.” He shrugged. “You probably could’ve pulled me back in and I wouldn’t’ve complained.” He suggested.

Jack shook his head, “I already told you it was for the best.. but..”

The blond sighed. “I love you, Jack.”

His face went red, “I-I love you too.” He grinned, “Ralphy.”

The smaller boy smiled, pink in the cheeks. “I love you.” He shook his head lightly.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merrijew, I hate you  
> Thank you for writing my smut  
> Merrijew, I hate you  
> Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum


	14. 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ralph’s face flushed as he stared at the redhead.
> 
> “Well?”
> 
> “God,” He exhaled before laughing breathlessly. “You look.. really good.” His voice cracked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ya know when you eat sweets and it's just so appallingly sweet that you feel like you're gonna puke? that's this chapter

“I look stupid.”

“You look fantastic.” Jack snorted.

Ralph looked himself over. Black skinny jeans, orange tee shirt. Their school wear was fancier than this. He looked over Jack’s outfit. Blue jeans and a black tee shirt.

“We look like hippies.”

The redhead laughed, “You’re welcome to wear something else.” He shrugged.

“I don’t know what else I’d wear.”

Jack gasped, darting into his closet. “I know!” He came out with a short-sleeved button-down shirt, blush-pink in colour. He handed it to the blond before darting back into his closet, pulling out a similar shirt, aegean in colour. He pulled off his tee shirt, smiling bashfully as he felt Ralph’s gaze on him, then pulled on the nicer shirt.

Ralph smiled, buttoning the top button of his shirt before buttoning Jack’s, kissing the freckled boy’s jaw. Once finishing buttoning the redhead’s shirt, he pulled him into a hug, burying his face in Jack’s neck.

“I love you.” The blond mumbled.

Jack snickered, returning the hug and kissing Ralph on the scalp. “I love you too.”

 

The two tentatively walked into the building, making their way to the dimly lit multipurpose room. Music blared, the bass and the beat pounding through their bodies. Laughs, squeals, playful banter, and singing could all be heard, and it quickly became droning background noise to them.

The music played for the most part wasn’t the type of thing one could dance to, but that didn’t mean people didn’t try. There were drinks and pizza in the brightly lit back corner of the room, though neither of them felt particularly hungry or thirsty for anything other than each other.

A familiar face was the head of a conga line, which had most of the funny kids in it, as well as a few others that had said “fuck it, why not?” and joined in, all were laughing.

It took a minute for Ralph to place who it was leading the conga line that weaved through the crowds of people, but once it clicked, the blond laughed and waved.

“Is that.. Maurice?” Jack laughed, giving an amused and baffled look.

“Yeah.” Ralph giggled.

“Guess he’s been doing well.” Jack snorted. “I didn’t think he went here.”

“I don’t think he does.”

“Roger might’ve snuck him in.”

“Well I guess this is a reunion.”

“Leave it up to Roger to get the band back together.” The redhead chortled.

Ralph laughed, maybe a little harder than he should’ve.

Part of them expected all the other boys to be there too, but that was literally impossible. They couldn’t quite shake off the expectation, though. They’d completely lost contact the most of them, with Roger being the only one really searching anymore. Ralph, though curious, didn’t really want to go looking, afraid of what he’d find. Jack just wanted to leave it in the past, desperate to forget or ignore or pretend it never happened, which ever was easiest at any given time.

Roger had told them that Johnny had almost lost his life in a car crash not long after being integrated into the rest of the world and had ended up addicted to painkillers. He was now wanted by the police. Apparently Robert had committed suicide, unable to live with the memories of the island, and unable to assimilate back into the real world.

None of them really knew much about anyone else or how they were doing, but now they knew Maurice was doing just fine.

It was interesting to see how the crowds of people situated themselves. There’d be a big cluster, then it’d get sparse, then another cluster, and then it would fizzle out towards the back.

Some were dressed in fancy wear, while others were in basketball shorts and tee shirts.

There was a lot of decorations littering the school, all following a vague tropical theme that made both boys dizzy. The irony was not lost on them. Neither was the suffering. The decorations had been haunting them all that week, as the student body had begun decorating on Monday, though it looked like they’d gotten a lot done in the hours between school getting out that afternoon and the dance that evening.

Streamers and strings of lights hung on the walls and ceiling, and it was fun to Ralph to cross his eyes slightly, just enough that all the details blurred, and the lights were just specks of glowing colour.

The two spun each other around and wandered.

“Sam? Eric?” Jack grinned at the two mischievous boys. “What are you guys doing here? Don’t you have juniour prom at another facility or something?”

“We snuck in.” Sam grinned.

“And they canceled it to save money or something.” Eric shrugged.

“I thought some of the people here looked young..” Ralph laughed.

“Yeah, a good lot of us younger kids snuck in.” Eric winked.

The twins stood at the same height, the only real differences between the two being their hair, their clothes, and the shape of their noses. Their noses were just different enough that when the two stood together, the difference of their nose shapes stuck out like a sore thumb. Otherwise, it’d be hard to place a difference in facial structure. Sam sported longer hair than Eric, and though they both had a similar clothing style, it looked as though Sam put more effort and thought into his attire than Eric. They were both year 10s, though some of the youngest of them.

“Well you two stay out of trouble.” Ralph patted Sam on the shoulder, and they split their separate ways.

“Good to see them having fun.” Jack laughed.

“Yeah,” Ralph snorted, “Something like that.”

Finally, half decent music started to play, though it tended to be the type of stuff heard in a club, they’d all take what they could get. A few infamous songs came on that everyone would gawk or laugh or cheer at, laughing and dancing and singing and screaming along. As these recognizable songs came on, the designated dancefloor grew more crowded, to the point that Jack and Ralph were slowly making their way towards the back, not being huge fans of being elbow and shoulder with other sweaty teens, especially not the 11th years, which a good lot of them were evidently drunk.

Jack began to feel overwhelmed, enough so that he clinged to the blond, who dragged him to the very back and sat him down at one of the tables, which had a cup and a plate and a can strewn about.

“Just take deep breaths.”

“I’m alright.” Jack snickered, squeezing at Ralph’s hand, “I just got a tad overwhelmed ’s all.” He gave a dorky grin. “Bit dizzy.”

“Take your time, love.” The blond smiled, leaning against the taller boy tentatively.

Jack’s ears flushed at the pet name, and his grip on the younger boy’s hand tightened.

Ralph timidly looked at the ginger, eventually clearing his throat, bashful grin on his face as he occupied them away from the awful song that had begun to play that everyone else seemed to be enthralled with.

“I see skies of blue, ‘n clouds of white,” His voice wasn’t terrible by any means, but against Jack’s it sounded like he’d never sung before.

“The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night,” Jack’s lips tugged into a grin.

“And I think to myself,” Ralph grinned.

“What a wonderful world,” They sung together, swaying their interlocked hand overtop their laps.

“I see a boy, who makes my face flush,” Jack made up the words as he went, making Ralph giggle. “He makes my heart soar, I make him smile,” He winked, “And I think to myself, how’d I snag this great guy?” His voice wavered playfully at the end.

They both giggled.

“You’re something else.” Ralph shook his head, flattered. He repeated Jack’s song, though with not quite as much skill, “And I think to myself,” His voice cracked, “How’d I catch this huge dork?”

Jack giggled along with him.

“My voice isn’t nearly as good as yours.”

“Your voice is still great, though.”

“Thanks.” The blond grinned.

“It’s not like you sound horrible or something.” He snorted, shrugging.

“I sing in my off-time.”

“When?” Jack gasped.

“When you’re not around.”

“Well maybe you should sing when I’m around.”

Ralph grinned at him. “You about ready to rejoin the crowd?” His hazel eyes glanced to the darker side of the large room.

Jack shrugged, feeling indifferent until a song he liked came on. It was one of the songs he had in mind for their first kiss. A slower song, though upbeat and not overly cheesy. He dragged the blond to the edge of the dancefloor and they swayed around, giggling and chatting.

This is where in the cinema, they kiss. But this isn’t the cinema and Jack likes making Ralph wait. Eventually the song fades out and an obnoxious song plays.

“God this DJ is shit.” Roger sounds from beside the two boys, who look at him curiously.

“Yeah, tell me about it.” Jack snorted.

“I’m about partied out.” Roger admits, rubbing the back of his neck.

Jack, not really getting it, shrugs. “You’re.. allowed to leave, mate.”

There’s a solemn and unsatisfied look in Roger’s eyes as he nods.

Ralph groans, pulling Jack with him as he followed Roger.

“What are we doing?”

“He doesn’t want to be alone.” Ralph explained. “You’re not good at picking up hints.”

“I think you’re the only guy that is.”

“I am.” Roger piped up quietly.

“Well then maybe you two should date.” Jack snorts.

Roger and Ralph exchange a look before laughing softly. Roger led the both of them out of the school through the front door, where a few benches were. His plan was to sit at one of those benches and enjoy the dark, unfortunately the benches were occupied by a slurry of upset girls and a group of dudes who’s dates dumped them for someone else. His chest hurt and he just stood there like an idiot trying to figure out what to do.

Ralph was so attentive. Bless his soul. He saw the look in Roger’s eyes and sighed, pulling the both of them past the exterior of the building and out to the courtyard, which the dorms overlooked.

“Where do you want to go?” Ralph asked with a firm voice. He noted his own actions and had roughed up a bit. He was not on to Roger, as much as he wanted to. Might as well leave no temptation there in the first place.

“I, uhm, I don’t,, m-my place.” He cleared his throat, face pink at his stuttering.

Ralph released both of their wrists from his grip, though Jack’s hand intertwined with his, making the blond snicker. They followed Roger through the mostly dark courtyard and to his dorm.

Ralph stumbled around the mostly unfamiliar dorm, finally locating what he needed and making three cups of tea.

“You alright?” He asked as he handed Roger a mug.

The raven only nodded.

Jack took a sip of his tea, eyeing the youngest boy before meeting Ralph’s gaze.

“’Just no good at that sort of thing.” Roger tried explaining. “Er, crowded spaces,”

The blond nodded, “Yeah.”

“You wanna do something to.. uh.. cheer you up?” Jack asked, not really sure what to do.

Roger shook his head. “I think I’m gonna head to bed soon.”

“Anything we can do for you?” Ralph tilted his head slightly, looking at the two boys siting on the couch.

Roger shook his head again. “Thank you.” He took a sip.

“No problem.” Ralph smiled.

 

 

Ralph’s face flushed as he stared at the redhead.

“Well?”

“God,” He exhaled before laughing breathlessly. “You look.. really good.” His voice cracked.

Jack grinned bashfully, pushing the dark brown square-ish framed glasses farther up the bridge of his nose.

“C’mere, love.” He beckoned with his index finger.

The redhead hesitantly stepped forward and was immediately pulled into a hug.

“God I wanna kiss you so bad.” Ralph mumbled into Jack’s collarbone.

“Be patient, darling.” Jack never thought he’d say something so sickeningly sweet, but then again Ralph had gotten him to sing `What A Wonderful World` at the dance, so he guessed he’d just have to get used to sickeningly sweet.

The blond’s heart bounded at the sobriquet. “I love you.” He muttered.

“I love you too.” Jack crooned, grinning.

“So when are we gonna kiss?”

“Uhm, Friday?”

“That’s forever days away.” Ralph groaned.

“`Forever days away` Ralph you’ve gone braindead.” The redhead gasped.

“It feels like forever.”

“I know, but it’ll be worthwhile, I promise.”

Ralph sighed in protest.

Jack giggled, “Patience is a virtue.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahaha I'm rlly gay


	15. 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You two are.. something else.” Roger shook his head, laughing.
> 
> “Insufferable?”
> 
> “Disgusting?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't proofread this since it's been long enough that it's just cringy to me, but y'all seem to like it so here  
> there's a jerk off scene (from what I've skimmed over of this chapter) and I do believe that was written by my dumbass bf so shoutout to that bitch  
> if you catch any mistakes please let me know :'^)  
> these last few chapters might have some narrative holes I didn't quite catch

 

In a desperate attempt to spend time around the redhead while also not being capable of kissing him, Ralph set up the Tuesday evening to be at Roger’s flat, playing videogames.

“I can’t fuckin do it!” Roger yelled before joining in on Jack’s infectious laugher. He gave an exasperated sigh, handing the controller to the redhead. “Good fuckin luck.”

“Bloody hell.” Was the first thing Jack managed, eventually getting to a point where the death of his character no longer phased him. He was just trying to figure out the best way to beat the level and it was getting frustrating.

“Can I give it a shot?” Ralph asked. He wasn’t typically the type to play videogames, but neither of them could do it, and he figured he might as well try.

After dying soon after Ralph asked, Jack groaned, handing the controller to the blond, who furrowed his brows at the TV, intently focusing on trying to beat it.

“Shit.” He spat. “They’re coming in from all sides. I feel so weak.” He sighed, tugging at his hair. “Agh,” Ralph handed the remote back to Jack, shaking his head. “That’s fucking annoying.”

Jack wasn’t ready to get his ass kicked again. He hadn’t the patience. He offered the controller to Roger, who shook his head.

“No. Not happening.” He snorted. “Let’s play something less difficult. I don’t have the patience to deal with this shit right now.” He laughed dryly, getting up and pulling out other games from the shelf. “What do you guys want to play?”

Jack shrugged, scooting closer to the blond.

“Something fun.” Ralph snorted, leaning against the taller boy.

Roger laughed, “This game can be fun, just when it isn’t impossibly hard.”

“Well it’s impossibly hard.” Jack retorted.

“I have Wii sports resort.”

“Now you’re talking.” Ralph grinned.

“Normie.” Jack laughed at the blond.

“Yup.” The shorter boy giggled.

“You two are.. something else.” Roger shook his head, laughing.

“Insufferable?”

“Disgusting?”

“Mn, no. I feel like if I were into dudes, I’d be into you two.” He pursed his lip as he turned off the PlayStation and turned on the Wii, putting the game in and booting it up.

“Oh, cute.” Ralph smiled softly. “We both always kinda thought you were hot no homo.” He confessed.

“Oh?” Roger’s cheeks went pink. “I’m flattered.” He smiled. “No homo, man, but, thanks.” He chuckled.

Jack and Ralph exchanged a look, giggling amongst themselves. Jack said something quietly to the blond that he didn’t quite have the guts to say aloud.

Ralph, being able to do say important things even if they’re embarrassing, said it for the redhead. “Jack really admires your ability to respect both his and your own boundaries.” The blond explained. “The whole being able to take a compliment at face value and not be overly weirded out by it because he’s attracted to you but you’re not attracted to him. It’s a good quality in a hot straight friend.” He grinned.

Roger stood as the Wii buzzed to life, eyeing Jack amusedly. “You’re funny. You can just say it, though, man. Don’t need your little boyfriend to do it for you.” He snorted. “Grow some balls. It’s chill to express yourself and all that jazz.” He grabbed 3 controllers and waltzed to the sofa the other two sat on.

“You know me.” Jack grinned guiltily.

“Yeah, I do, unfortunately.” He winked. “Shy.”

“I’m not shy.” The redhead whined in protest, locking the string of the controller around his freckled wrist. “I’m just bad at verbalizing my thoughts and feelings.”

“Mnm, you can do so to him.” He eyed Ralph. “Which means that, at least in this case, you’re just shy.” Roger grinned triumphantly. “Never thought the mighty Jack Merridew of all people would secretly be such a softy, but boy is it fun messing with you.”

Jack stuck his tongue out in protest, which made the other two men giggle.

Roger started up their game and the 3 fought over which in-game to play first. They all laughed and joked and shoved each other playfully, having a fun time, though their eyes lingered.

The blond’s hazel eyes would fixate on Jack before turning to Roger, watching the two of them battle to the death in-game. They were both good-looking young men he wouldn’t mind kissing. One of them just happened to very much not be into dudes. A shame, really, but he figured it was good having a straight friend. Good practice for not jumping on top of every attractive person ever.

He knew Jack much better than he knew Roger, and he had stronger feelings for the redhead, but that didn’t stop him from pondering the thought of being with the younger boy a little longer than he should’ve contemplated it. If only he weren’t straight. The three could work something out. He knew Jack also lusted after the ebony, it could be interesting to see what the three of them would do together.

He shook these thoughts out of his head with a snicker, senses focusing back in reality just in time to hear Jack cry in defeat, waving his remote around frantically. Roger laughed evilly, waving his remote around with deliberate force.

Ralph giggled, kissing the whining ginger on the cheek as he lamented about losing the duel.

“Next time, love.”

“Rematch!” Jack declared, making Roger, who had just stopped laughing, start back up again.

 

“I dunno,” Jack shrugged, eyes falling to the mattress he sat on. Running his fingertips against the soft sheets that belonged to a certain blond, he took a deep breath, collecting his courage, and then his words.

Ralph blinked, repositioning himself on his bed slightly, sitting on his knees instead of being on his stomach. His hair, which was overdue for a trim, matted against his forehead, making him sigh and pull it back, using delicate, yet deliberate strokes of his fingers through his sandy hair.

All was still and quiet and it made the ginger dizzy, but he pressed on. “God, for a while, when we started to actually _talk_ , I kept having these awful intrusive thoughts.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. And as we’ve gotten closer, they haven’t really let up.”

“What are they?”

“Uhm,” His eyes looked to the pillow in the corner of his eye, he swallowed thickly and cleared his throat. “Just that I should do horrible things to do, er, I guess more _say_ horrible things to you, but saying them would fuck you up real bad.”

“..Like what?”

“Like that I should get close to you and get your hopes up and then drop you out of nowhere and never talk to you or look at you again.”

This made Ralph’s heart palpitate. “That’s not a fun idea.”

“Tell me about it. It’d be just as much of a cock tease heartbreak for me as it would be for you.” He sneered. “I’ve.. I’ve wanted this for so long.. I’ve wanted _you_ for so long.. and I’ve been paralyzed with fear about fucking it up and so I try to do the opposite and end up fucking up.” He whined.

“Oh, honey..”

“Yeah, it’s fucking awful.”

“Please don’t ever push me away.”

“I won’t.” Jack laughed, “I want to, but I need you.”

Ralph gave a pity smile, reaching over to plant a kiss on the other boy’s cheek.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Jack.” He grinned. His heart fluttered at the realization that their magical perfect kiss was coming up soon. He broke out into a light sweat, face burning as he leaned back into his sitting position, staring at his sheets.

“Friday night.” Jack echoed, ears red.

“Mnm,” Ralph nodded, biting his lip.

“I should probably leave now, yeah?”

The smaller boy shot him a smile. “You could stay if yo-,” He was cut off.

“Yeah, I’m gonna go.” Jack chuckled, messing up Ralph’s hair as he rose to his feet, grabbing his bag from the kitchenette counter and waving. “Bye, love.”

“Sleep well!” Ralph grinned as the door shut.

He sighed, laying down on his bed, red face not letting up as he thought too deeply. His lip quivered, so he bit down on it once more, closing his eyes and resting his arm over them.

“I need a haircut.” He snickered to himself.

 

Jack stopped by Roger’s flat to make sure he had all the homework, as he figured he spaced out earlier that day, ending up without any homework in 3 of his classes.

“Mate, it’s the end of the year.” Roger laughed. “There’s no homework in those classes because there isn’t any proper schoolwork.”

“Oh, damn.” Jack laughed, rubbing his arm. “Well, I guess I should get going, then.”

“Bye.” Roger grinned, waving.

“Yeah.” Jack said as he shut the door, taking a deep breath before turning on his heels and heading to his own room.

 

He sighed when he dropped his school bag by the door and threw off his shoes, slacks and shirt following after. He flopped himself onto his bed, groaning as he felt his back loosen, finally free from the upright angle of standing mixed with the heavy gravity. He let gravity pin him to his bed, his familiar, maybe a little too soft, bed.

Jack yawned into his hand before shivering, blinking and going red in the face.

“Ralph you bastard.” He snorted, shaking his head lightly. He bit his lip, staring at the sofa adjacent his bed, trying to decide what he wanted to do.

Eventually, he placed his dominant had delicately on his torso, shivering at the contact. He snaked his hand down his torso, playing at the elastic of his briefs. After enough of teasing himself, he breached his underwear, with a soft noise and a snuffle. He chewed his lip as he fingered up and down his erection, eyes studying his surroundings, though his brain was focused completely on the task and hand and his beloved.

He stopped, maneuvering himself onto his knees, then flat on his stomach, reaching under his bed and fumbling around momentarily before his fingertips snagged on a familiar bottle. He grabbed it and pulled it out, returning to his laying position.

Pouring some of the lubricant onto his hand and sneaking his hand back down into his knickers, he shuddered at the cold temperature of the slick. He worked his hand, and the lube didn’t take too long to warm up as he rubbed it against his length shakily. He drew in a sharp breath as his thumb found the crown of his cock, shivering and rubbing languidly, whining when his fingertip rubbed against his slit.

He swallowed thickly, clearing his throat as he occupied his mind with the blond he so desperately wished were there in that moment, smiling lazily at the ginger, a hungry look in his hazel eyes. Jack tangled his other hand in his hair as he arched his back, hips twitching lightly as his hand progressively sped up, making it’s way up and down his throbbing cock.

“F-Fuck, Ralph,,” He whimpered lowly, eyes locking shut as he felt precum bead out of him, running slowly down his erection and hand. His back arched more as his hips swayed into his hand lightly as he caressed himself to the thought of his wonderful boyfriend. Red in the face, he whined, inhaling sharply has he released his load, squirting eagerly into his briefs as his legs twitched. He growled and whimpered and panted as he massaged himself out of his high before pulling his hand out of his now soiled underwear.

He laid there for a while, catching he breath, messy hand resting on his rising and falling stomach. He laughed, “Bloody hell, Ralph,” He shook his head, grinning. He sighed before pulling himself out of bed and into the shower.

 

Roger stared at the ceiling of his flat, listening to Ralph talk. Ralph sat on his couch while he laid on his bed, the stiffness of his mattress comforted him so.

“And well, I had a dream last night, and it got me thinking I guess..” Ralph trailed off, used to the person he was talking with to prod, he snorted when there was no prodding. Of course there wasn’t, it was Roger. “So, you. How’ve you been, uh, since the island?” He stumbled awkwardly on his words. “You used to be rather cold and now you’re.. well, quite the opposite..”

“You used to hate me just as much as you hated Jack.” Roger echoed.

“Yeah,” Ralph’s words passed his lips barely above a whisper. “But, you, we, uhm,” He snickered at himself, “We actually _talked_ about it, you admitted to me how much the island haunts you, and how little you actually remember.”

“I was not myself.”

“I don’t think any of us were.”

“Except maybe Jack.” Roger snickered, “He was a cold-hearted ass.”

Ralph joined in on the younger boy’s snickering.

“But, yeah. We, uhm, we don’t really know each other very well, huh?” His lips tugged into a nervous smile. “We just kind of..” He struggled to find his words.

“You justified your actions, I justified mine, we shook on it, no hard feelings.”

“Yeah.” Roger echoed, grinning.

“It was a little, um, strained?” He was unsure of his wording. “At first.”

“Yeah, I don’t blame you. Fucked up shit happened.”

“A lot of fucked up shit.”

“Speaking of, you ever thought of going to therapy?”

Ralph shrugged, “I have gone off and on. ‘It doing any good for you?”

The darker haired boy snorted, “It’s taken actual literal _years,_ but I’ve never felt better.”

“That’s good!”

“Yeah! I’m actually coping with all that shit, less waking up in cold sweats screaming and more deep breathing and justifying my actions.” He smiled softly, sitting up to look at the fair-haired boy.

Ralph laughed, “Yeah I bet that’s, ya know, just maybe a little bit of weight off your chest.”

“For real,” Roger shook his head. Their conversation lulled a bit before Roger spoke up again. “I’m not really the religious type, but I got baptized last year.”

“Yeah?”

“It’s kind of a surreal experience, and I’m not even sure if I believe in God or anything like that, but just the fact that people _do_ believe in God and in being baptized and all that, it made me feel clean. Having so many people believe down to their core that they’re doing good for me made me feel good.”

“Hm. Maybe I should try it.”

“Straight people only.” Roger joked.

“Damn,” Ralph joked along.

“But yeah, it felt magical. Like a weight off my shoulders even though the weight that was there wasn’t worry that in the eyes of God I was unclean or something.” He snickered, shrugging.

“That’s cool, mate. Glad you can reconsolidate with the God that hates us.”

Roger laughed, maybe harder than he should, covering his mouth with the back of his hand.

The older boy snickered along with him.

“He does hate us.” He nodded between giggles.

The two settled down, the conversation lulling again until Ralph drew in a deep breath, getting up from the sofa. “Well, I should probably go. You’re undoubtedly getting a little mentally exhausted at opening your mouth more than once.” He poked lightheartedly.

“Introversion, it’s a hell of a drug.”

Ralph laughed, “I feel you. Just uh, hit me up if you wanna chat soon.” He shrugged as he backed towards the door. “You’re less than insufferable, even if you get quiet.”

Roger gave him a lopsided smile, “Yeah, man. Bye.”

 

The week rolled by slowly, and a good bit of the students were starting to mentally check-out. A good bit of the classes had finished their curriculum, and the teachers were just throwing whatever bullshit they could at their students. This left Ralph with worksheets where he basically just had to look through the chapter in his textbook to find.

He sighed, brows knit in agitated concentration. “Why should I even waste my time with this?” He groaned to himself. He shot up gleefully when his phone rang. Jack had said he’d call him to discuss their upcoming kiss. Part of him felt like it was less special because of how much hype was going into it, how setting a particular date would ruin the magic, give it a plastic taste. “Hey.” He grinned.

Jack’s gleeful smile was audible, “Hey. How are you? What’cha up to?”

“I’m alright, ‘n bullshit homework. How about you, darling?”

Jack’s ears went pink at the pet name, and his voice faltered ever so slightly. “I’m alright. And uh, nothing much.” He shrugged to himself. “So about the kiss.”

Ralph snorted, “About the kiss.” He echoed.

“Tomorrow night.”

“Yeah.” The fair-haired boy grinned.

“You okay with going all the way?”

“How many times do I have to say `yeah`?” He sniggered.

“I just wanna make sure.” His voice raised in defense.

“I know, I know. So, um,” He stumbled, not sure what to talk about. “How’d you sleep?”

“You asked me that at lunch.”

“Fine then, what did you dream about?”

“Uh, it’s about the island.” He warned.

“Go ahead, love.”

“..You sure?? I know you don’t like hea-,” He was cut off.

“Those are never good dreams, I care more about your mental wellbeing than my comfortability with the conversation, I’ll live.”

“Alright then..” He cleared his throat. “So I was on the island, and the god damn never ending sounds of the jungle and of the beach was ringing in my ears so much it was driving me mad.” He fumed, still fed up at listening to the ambiance over and over and over. He never wanted to listen to those god-awful sounds again. He’d gotten more than enough for the next three lifetimes. “And it seemed to be just Roger and I, all covered in paint and dirt and blood, spears in hand, and we sat in a sandy lull somewhere in the jungle not too far in.” His sharp eyes looked over the objects in his room nervously, darting from sharp corner to sharp corner.

“Yeah?” Ralph asked hesitantly, as Jack’s low voice had silenced.

“And I just, remember feeling so much. God-awful _rage_ and _bloodlust_ coursing through my veins. The fucking sounds that I’d been hearing for months if not years, I could never tune it out, and it was driving me and Roger both mad. We glared at the sand we sat on, angrily huffing about random nonsense. Random bloodthirsty, violent, horrible urges.” He described, shaking his head quickly before blinking a few times. “There were so many absolutely nasty horrid things I wanted to do. For a moment I could understand Napoléon’s lust for war.” He sneered, “I wanted to hurt someone so fucking badly. Me ‘n Roger both did.” He gritted his teeth.

Ralph certainly didn’t like hearing how irked Jack was over the phone, he wanted to be there, to touch his forearm tenderly so the redhead would meet his soft, worried gaze. To tell him it’s alright, that the nightmares are just that. Nightmares. To hold the ginger in his arms and kiss his head and freckled cheeks.

Part of him, though, craved hearing Jack all torn up like this. That part of him sneered and chortled when Jack’s voice broke. Biting his lip, the blond interrupted Jack’s babbling.

“Love, It’s okay. You’re okay. You two have had rough lives, and you two were just.. giving into your circumstances, giving into your primal urges, your nature.” Ralph jabbered, voice tender in understanding. Though, part of him still shuddered in disgust at the fact that a human could ever feel such things. It was much more disgusting adding on that these feelings and `primal urges` as he had put it, were felt by the young man he was planning to _kiss_ tomorrow.

He hated how he still felt torn, and he hated how he loved Jack, and he hated how Jack loved him, and he hated Jack, and he hated that Jack felt things other than `primal urges`. Part of him, the paranoid part of him that had taken over his body oh so long ago as he ran away from the savages like he were a rabbit and they were the hungry pack of wolves, worried that Jack was just so extremely good at manipulating him. That the redhead just wanted to get his way with his prey and then stab him fifteen times with a sharpened stick, just for shits and giggles and irony that he and Roger would chortle impishly about for all eternity.

“It’s _not_ okay, don’t try to fucking _justify_ **_murder_**.” His voice seeped with self-loathing. “Two innocent boys are _dead_ because of my **_`primal urges`_**.” He seethed.

Every thought, every emotion, every hope, every fear, all of it melted away, and Ralph fell quiet, indolently staring at the floor with a cold look in his hazel eyes.

“I almost _killed you_.” Jack’s voice broke again as he blubbered lividly. The blond’s silence confirmed something for him. Ralph still blamed him for everything. He was hopelessly trying to justify Jack’s actions because of how much the younger boy _craved_ Jack, _needed_ Jack.

“Jack.” Ralph spoke. “Shut the _fuck up_.” He wanted to hang up, but his arm stayed stiff, holding his phone to his ear.

Jack couldn’t place what he wanted to say in return, mind alternating between a snivelly `sorry` and something along the lines of either `fuck you` or `you still fucking blame me, I still fucking blame me, what more do you fucking want from me, Ralph? I can’t just bloody undo everything! I’m a horrible fucking person and we both know that, stop trying to justify me to yourself so you feel like less of a shitbag for being madly in love with me!`. The latter spilled past his lips, which were curled into an offended frown, nostrils flared, brows furrowed as he stood in a defensive position, hands raised in the air angrily. This expression quickly changed to one of remorse and sorrow over what he’d just uttered, his posture changed to one of a stiff upright position.

Taken aback, Ralph had to collect his jaw off the floor before he hissed at the redhead over the phone. “Shut the bloody hell up! We’re both terrible fucking people! Stop bloody pretending that I’m pretending that we aren’t!”

Jack’s lip trembled as he stuttered, “I-I’m sorry. Why the fuck did that just come out of my mouth?” He asked himself, looking at the floor as his posture drooped to one of pure sorrow and self-hatred.

“I fucking hate this. I hate that I love you, a-and that you love me. I hate that you’re a horrible person and I hate you because you’re a horrible person.” He blabbered furiously. “I want things to be okay and they just bloody won’t be. I just want normalcy again! I’m never going to get that! That part isn’t even fully your fault but god _damn_ you didn’t help.”

“..I’m sorry..” Was all Jack could manage, throat tightening as tears threatened to breach his blue eyes.

“You’re bloody right you’re sorry! I’m sorry, too! That doesn’t fuc,” His voice gave and he choked back a hiccup, “Th-That doesn’t change anything..” His voice quailed as he sobbed meekly. “B-But if I’m to be honest,” He hiccupped, throat hurting from the tightness that wouldn’t give, he held his neck unconsciously. “I don’t know if I could b-be with a..anyone else..” His voice cracked so harshly he winced, “Beca-cause we’ve both been through it, a-and just about everyone else would get so tired of he-hearing about my boohoo trauma bullshit spiel.” He sniffed.

“Ralph,” He pleaded quietly, tears rolling down his freckled face.

“God,” He put a hand over his face, pressing against the jutting parts of his brow bone and cheek bone. “I love you, but, fuck, you know how to start a fight,” He laughed pathetically, “I’ll see you tomorrow..” He shook his head.

“I love you,” Was all Jack could get in before Ralph ended the call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha you're welcome for the jalger (is that the ship name??) ehe  
> Cheers!

**Author's Note:**

> I literally wrote 5 chapters in a day but updates will take a bit because I like chapterly cliffhangers


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